Losing the Light

Eyes dimming and fading

To joy.

Illumination diminished.

Darkness creeping across corneas

Blurring edges and long sight,

Short vision.

Looking inwards

Wanting and failing.

Pushing back blackness

Try to hold the light

Perception or procedure

Too tired to think.

Sleep awaits the doubts

And despair

Sleep away.

Sleep.

(30-11-06)

Baptism

His eyes looked kindly on me

His tenderness sublime

His presence is my heaven

All this already mine.

I wish to rest amid this joy

And never here depart

But the earthly call will lead me on

And test my wounded heart.

For a while I will remember

All that I here hold dear

But life will overtake me

And fill my heart with fear.

My loving Father calls me

And sends me on my way

‘Work for humankind, my child

And then come home to stay.’

I long to hold his hand to mine

And ask simply to remain

But to stay without being tested

Just would not be the same.

The grace I feel within his sight

I cannot live without

I fear my absence from his face

Will fill my life with doubt.

At first the loss is just too great

I look for what is gone

In distant corners of a room

The pain of being born.

Time moves on and healing comes

In love that tends my needs

The knowledge goes and doubts creep in

Despite the hand that feeds.

I need God’s grace to run this race

I need His presence near.

I cannot face this life without

His voice within my ear.

The emptiness of life without

A God to call your own

Is filled with frantic moments

Faith has not been sown.

Baptise me as an infant

When my knowledge is still here

Plant a seed that I can cherish

When my heart is filled with fear.

I will doubt and I will wander

While I sojourn on this earth

But I will have a gift from God

To help me on my path.

And when I can return to Him

As, God I pray I will,

He will smile upon me

And with tenderness me fill.

The longing that I knew at birth

Will circle once around

Till home at last I am with Him

Home from testing ground.

Without His grace along the way

I fear I would have lost

The greatest love I’ve ever known

The hell of such a cost.

(3-3-05)

Mum

There is forgetfulness

And negligence

There is hurt

And there is pain

There are wounds that cut so deeply

And will cut you time again.

There are memories

Of kisses

And cuddles

Full of joy

There is happiness

And hopefulness

For each girl and every boy.

There are wishes

That you make for them

And plans

That go astray

There are times

Of great futility

And ones of fun and play.

They leave you

And you wonder

If all you’ve done

Was right

If the scoldings

And the loving

Were really worth the fight.

There are times

You only see the face

Of the child

You held so dear

There are times

You see the person

And they fill your heart with fear.

There are times

When being a mother

Is a gift

From up above

When all that is

Remembered

Is the gift of so much love.

But in all the times

Of wonderment

In all the times

Of pain

Remember please

Dear Mum of ours

That you are loved

Time and time

And time

Again.

(6-3-05)