The title of this piece reflects the fact that I hate the actual word, bitch. It is banned from use in my house. To circumvent this ban, my eldest daughter took to using the titled form when wishing to express her annoyance at a particular person or an occasion of bitchiness. Despite my profligate use of the word below, I still hate it and the ban will not be lifted any time soon, if ever.
Bitches are often cunningly disguised. Their ability to mutate to surroundings and friendship groupings may even leave you perplexed as to whether you’re dealing with a genuine bitch or one whom you have misjudged.
Time usually reveals a bitch’s true colours and once they are revealed in their shades of puce, their vile nature may be observed.
An inability to be loyal to anyone, male or female, is a major characteristic of a bitch.
If you have had the unfortunate experience of confiding in a bitch, you can expect repercussions. While smiling sweetly at you, as you disclose personal matters, she will turn her second face towards others of her ilk and relate all that has been said, with malicious humour. Not forgetting, of course, to embellish it all with cruelty.
Should this happen once – that’s it. No second chances. She’s a bitch. Drop her like the proverbial hot potato.
This is a fortunate occurrence, strangely enough. It prevents you from delving into a deeper relationship, thereby negating the wasting of valuable time and energy on someone whose main purpose in life is to swim in muck and throw it.
A lucky escape then.
Some other bitches are a little harder to detect. Their chameleon-like qualities are unrivalled in the animal kingdom – outwith the chameleon and other self-camouflaging creatures, of course.
But, I digress.
These bitches ingratiate themselves into relationships with flattery and false smiles. They lovingly stroke the ego of men while screwing them every which way from here to Sunday. When the harpy within is revealed this is an awesome and frightening sight to behold.
Vitriole may spew forth from the orifice in her distorted face, known by others as a mouth, but observed on her, as a sewage pipe of magnificent proportions. No one is exempt from the deluge of filth as the dam bursts when this bitch is in full-flow.
Every hate-filled experience in her life will be manifest in the way she pours scorn on those who once loved her before her character exploded from her chest in an alienesque manner.
Cessation of all communication is not only desirable but absolutely necessary to regain dignity and harmony in life.
Should you work with someone like this – change jobs. Really. They will not change and your life could be a complete misery.
It is important to note that all females and some men, are capable of bitchiness and there are times when it is almost irresistible to indulge. The surge of effluence does, however, create and leave a foul taste in one’s mouth and therefore is to be avoided, if at all possible.
The essential difference between an occasion of bitchiness and a true bitch is that she rather likes the flavour and cultivates it at every opportunity.
A shit detector or bitch detector is not currently available to purchase anywhere in the known world, at this time. However, experience and observations should go some way to avoiding them like the plague.
There may be bitches out there who will bitch about the fact that I have omitted their own personal brand of bitchiness.
Tough! Suck on it, bitch!