Guilt Trip – Mark ll

Strictly speakin’, this isnae actually a new post ‘cos it’s the wan ah posted yisturday!  Guilt Trip

Bu’ a few folk huv commented oan ma video readins an’ ah think that they aw think that that’s the wiy ah talk aw the time. An’ it’s no’.

So, ahm offerin’ an alternative here fur yer delights. If ye kin make oot wit ahm sayin’ then good fur you! You’re a linguist ae soarts.

Translation:_

Strictly speaking, this isn’t actually a new post because it is yesterday’s post!

But, a few people have commented on my video readings and I think that they all think that that’s the way I speak all the time! But it’s not.

So, I’m offering an alternative here for your delights. If you can make out what I’m saying then good for you! You’re a linguist of sorts.

Guilt Trip Mark ll

 

Guilt Trip

Feckety shit. It’s that time again.

I try to go every so often. Good for the soul they say. Fewer Catholics, it was once said, sought out therapy because of this practice. So before I start let me just get a few swears out of the way.

Done. I did them inside. Didn’t want to add to my sins by causing offence. 🙂

Bless Me Father,

I’ve been sailing along in my own private heaven in bloggy land and I think I’ve neglected a few things. I don’t mean my kids and my husband.

For sure, I have, as well you know. But a little healthy neglect there encourages appreciation of me on their part. Don’t you think?

No? Oh, my bad. That then, that’s the first.

Next, I’ve hardly been doing any housework or cooking or…anything really…since joining Blogovia. I mean I think I deserve it. I’ve waited all these years to find an avenue for my drivellings and I’ve found one.

So, does that count as one? Or can I be let off on that one?

Oh good. I thought you might see things my way on that one. You did say, after all, to use your talents and I think I might be ok at this.

Is that pride? Ok, that one too then.

Umm, what else?

Oh yeah, one of my fellow bloggees has guilted me out. I didn’t swear about her or anything. I just went, ‘aw shit’.

Can I say that here? Oh good, cos you invented shit anyway so that should be fine.

Well, Kerry was talking about how she’s got this list of stuff that she’s not getting through and how she’s spending a lot of her time, like me, writing.

Well, I told her not to feel guilty about it and that I just don’t make lists any more. Problem solved, so to speak. But, they’re not really are they?

Because in the back of my mind there’s a wee bastardy voice. Sorry! Is that yours? Well this wee voice goes, ‘You’ve no’ done that yet’.

Are you from Glasgow, God? ‘Cos that wee voice sure sounds as if it comes from the East End.

Anyway, I tried hard to ignore it. I know. I know. Stop shouting for your sake. I know I’m not supposed to ignore it. But where’s the fun in that, eh?

I don’t get to be too wicked that often. So, a wee bit of license here would be appreciated. Just sayin’. I mean, obviously, you don’t have to, it’s your game, your rules, your ball, so to speak.

But, if you could lay off the guilt just a wee bit I might get some more writing done. I could even put a good word in for you. You scratch my back…no? Ok, suit yourself.

So, in conclusion god, I’ve got a shitload – what? you said that one was ok- of awards that I haven’t done anything about.

I wasn’t going to either, if I’m being totally honest. Oh, you knew that did you?

Does it ever suck being all-knowing? I find it a bit of a pain at times. Joke, god. Where’s your sense of humour, for your sake.

Father, that’s all I can remember. What? It is so.

Ok, I have lusted after other men. Mainly Hugh Jackman. Sometimes that guy out of Train, don’t know what he’s called, but he’s got a great voice and some body and cracking tunes. I wasn’t going to mention this one because it’s kinda your fault, isn’t it? You made them like that. There to be appreciated, if you will.

Naw, no’ you personally obviously. Although, I know when I make something delicious I usually appreciate it myself. Just thought maybe you…naw? Fine then.

So, that’s definitely that then. I think.

I’ll get back to you if I think of anything else. Bye.

Sorry?….. What?….. Mmm?…. Oh, you remembered, did you? Penance now, is it?

Ok, fire away.

You have got to be joking me? Tell me you’re joking, man…god.

I’ve got to list all the feckers that gave them to me and nominate people.

Aw, gie’s a break. I’ll never get any writing done at this rate.

I’m gonna lapse if you keep this up. I’m telling you. I swear to…you.

Nominators  Many Thanks to all of you for considering me in this way.

Kerry  Sunshine and Liebster and Seed of Light

Mark  Versatile Blogger

Reinventionofmama  Sunshine Award

Chandni  Versatile Blogger

Jolene  Versatile Blogger

Anemptyspace  Versatile Blogger

Caitlin  Versatile Blogger

Observationsofacanary  WordPress Family Award, Fantabulous and Semper Fidelis Award

Quintet 2sunshine-awardQuintet versatile-blogger-nominations-1wordpress-family-award (1)liebster (1)because-ur-fantabuloussemper-fidelis-awardseed-of-light

HJ 2I feel I deserve this award for services to the Hugh Jackman fan club. So, I’m awarding myself him.

Nominees   The bloggers below are all ones I have come across relatively recently. I have no idea whether they accept awards and, frankly, I don’t have the time to find out.

Right, even without following all the rules, this has taken me ages. I could be writing about sex and sensuality here. Or politics. Or family. Or anything. So, I am absolving all nominees from any rules and conditions. Who says I can’t? well, I’m doing it. It’s lovely to get awards but it so time consuming. I’m definitely sticking to a simpler format. Up to you mind. If you want the work, knock yourself out. Please all those below, choose something from above. Pick one you’ve not had before. Pick 2!  Just don’t pick Hugh. He’s not an option. If you wish to do a post and thank and nominate, the rules for all of them are somewhere on WordPress.

I’m keeping them I’ve done part of the work. If being part good gets you into heaven then I think it bloody well entitles me to keep them. Just sayin’. 🙂

Ramblingsfromamum

Helena

Ladybluerose

Lilith

Ms Vee

Rene

Whitecrow

Fibee5

Mark

Candidkay

Ironwood

ThesewordsIwrite

He’ll never know if a just write up a big list of who and what. And then another list of who they should go to. If he does, I’ll just say I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. Inclined to talk in riddles sometimes. Or is that parables. Aye, well, whatever.

Look, I’m gonna sneak this in. Shh! But you have to see this guy!

*running back into the chapel here*

God forgive me, Father, for my serious error in judgement in missing Trey out of my nominations. I don’t know how I overlooked him. I can only imagine that in my shameless pride I chose to overlook his superior mastery in humour. Last week I twooted him and Facebooked him and reblogged him. He nearly made me wet my knickers, I laughed so hard. I think my sister actually did. Just sayin’.  Now God that is a serious talent. Plus the bastard’s trying to guilt me out here. And he’s saying things to me in Latin for crying out loud. I can’t take any more amo, amas, amant,  I just can’t. Hey that rhymed. So forgive me Father. And get him off my case. Thanks. You’re the man.

So’s Trey. Just not as good as you. What do you mean? Suck-up? Trey or me? Oh me. Ok.