Guilt Trip

Feckety shit. It’s that time again.

I try to go every so often. Good for the soul they say. Fewer Catholics, it was once said, sought out therapy because of this practice. So before I start let me just get a few swears out of the way.

Done. I did them inside. Didn’t want to add to my sins by causing offence. 🙂

Bless Me Father,

I’ve been sailing along in my own private heaven in bloggy land and I think I’ve neglected a few things. I don’t mean my kids and my husband.

For sure, I have, as well you know. But a little healthy neglect there encourages appreciation of me on their part. Don’t you think?

No? Oh, my bad. That then, that’s the first.

Next, I’ve hardly been doing any housework or cooking or…anything really…since joining Blogovia. I mean I think I deserve it. I’ve waited all these years to find an avenue for my drivellings and I’ve found one.

So, does that count as one? Or can I be let off on that one?

Oh good. I thought you might see things my way on that one. You did say, after all, to use your talents and I think I might be ok at this.

Is that pride? Ok, that one too then.

Umm, what else?

Oh yeah, one of my fellow bloggees has guilted me out. I didn’t swear about her or anything. I just went, ‘aw shit’.

Can I say that here? Oh good, cos you invented shit anyway so that should be fine.

Well, Kerry was talking about how she’s got this list of stuff that she’s not getting through and how she’s spending a lot of her time, like me, writing.

Well, I told her not to feel guilty about it and that I just don’t make lists any more. Problem solved, so to speak. But, they’re not really are they?

Because in the back of my mind there’s a wee bastardy voice. Sorry! Is that yours? Well this wee voice goes, ‘You’ve no’ done that yet’.

Are you from Glasgow, God? ‘Cos that wee voice sure sounds as if it comes from the East End.

Anyway, I tried hard to ignore it. I know. I know. Stop shouting for your sake. I know I’m not supposed to ignore it. But where’s the fun in that, eh?

I don’t get to be too wicked that often. So, a wee bit of license here would be appreciated. Just sayin’. I mean, obviously, you don’t have to, it’s your game, your rules, your ball, so to speak.

But, if you could lay off the guilt just a wee bit I might get some more writing done. I could even put a good word in for you. You scratch my back…no? Ok, suit yourself.

So, in conclusion god, I’ve got a shitload – what? you said that one was ok- of awards that I haven’t done anything about.

I wasn’t going to either, if I’m being totally honest. Oh, you knew that did you?

Does it ever suck being all-knowing? I find it a bit of a pain at times. Joke, god. Where’s your sense of humour, for your sake.

Father, that’s all I can remember. What? It is so.

Ok, I have lusted after other men. Mainly Hugh Jackman. Sometimes that guy out of Train, don’t know what he’s called, but he’s got a great voice and some body and cracking tunes. I wasn’t going to mention this one because it’s kinda your fault, isn’t it? You made them like that. There to be appreciated, if you will.

Naw, no’ you personally obviously. Although, I know when I make something delicious I usually appreciate it myself. Just thought maybe you…naw? Fine then.

So, that’s definitely that then. I think.

I’ll get back to you if I think of anything else. Bye.

Sorry?….. What?….. Mmm?…. Oh, you remembered, did you? Penance now, is it?

Ok, fire away.

You have got to be joking me? Tell me you’re joking, man…god.

I’ve got to list all the feckers that gave them to me and nominate people.

Aw, gie’s a break. I’ll never get any writing done at this rate.

I’m gonna lapse if you keep this up. I’m telling you. I swear to…you.

Nominators  Many Thanks to all of you for considering me in this way.

Kerry  Sunshine and Liebster and Seed of Light

Mark  Versatile Blogger

Reinventionofmama  Sunshine Award

Chandni  Versatile Blogger

Jolene  Versatile Blogger

Anemptyspace  Versatile Blogger

Caitlin  Versatile Blogger

Observationsofacanary  WordPress Family Award, Fantabulous and Semper Fidelis Award

Quintet 2sunshine-awardQuintet versatile-blogger-nominations-1wordpress-family-award (1)liebster (1)because-ur-fantabuloussemper-fidelis-awardseed-of-light

HJ 2I feel I deserve this award for services to the Hugh Jackman fan club. So, I’m awarding myself him.

Nominees   The bloggers below are all ones I have come across relatively recently. I have no idea whether they accept awards and, frankly, I don’t have the time to find out.

Right, even without following all the rules, this has taken me ages. I could be writing about sex and sensuality here. Or politics. Or family. Or anything. So, I am absolving all nominees from any rules and conditions. Who says I can’t? well, I’m doing it. It’s lovely to get awards but it so time consuming. I’m definitely sticking to a simpler format. Up to you mind. If you want the work, knock yourself out. Please all those below, choose something from above. Pick one you’ve not had before. Pick 2!  Just don’t pick Hugh. He’s not an option. If you wish to do a post and thank and nominate, the rules for all of them are somewhere on WordPress.

I’m keeping them I’ve done part of the work. If being part good gets you into heaven then I think it bloody well entitles me to keep them. Just sayin’. 🙂

Ramblingsfromamum

Helena

Ladybluerose

Lilith

Ms Vee

Rene

Whitecrow

Fibee5

Mark

Candidkay

Ironwood

ThesewordsIwrite

He’ll never know if a just write up a big list of who and what. And then another list of who they should go to. If he does, I’ll just say I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. Inclined to talk in riddles sometimes. Or is that parables. Aye, well, whatever.

Look, I’m gonna sneak this in. Shh! But you have to see this guy!

*running back into the chapel here*

God forgive me, Father, for my serious error in judgement in missing Trey out of my nominations. I don’t know how I overlooked him. I can only imagine that in my shameless pride I chose to overlook his superior mastery in humour. Last week I twooted him and Facebooked him and reblogged him. He nearly made me wet my knickers, I laughed so hard. I think my sister actually did. Just sayin’.  Now God that is a serious talent. Plus the bastard’s trying to guilt me out here. And he’s saying things to me in Latin for crying out loud. I can’t take any more amo, amas, amant,  I just can’t. Hey that rhymed. So forgive me Father. And get him off my case. Thanks. You’re the man.

So’s Trey. Just not as good as you. What do you mean? Suck-up? Trey or me? Oh me. Ok.

62 thoughts on “Guilt Trip”

  1. My favorite Train song is Ordinary…. describes me perfectly 😀

    And Jackman….. damn that man….. Hiddleson too – have you seen the vid of Hiddleson DANCING? OMG MAGIC MIKE 2!!!

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    1. Who is Hiddleson? I must live on another planet.
      I’ll have to go google this. 🙂
      My son got me into Train a couple of years ago with Drops Of Jupiter. I also love Drive By.
      Rather yummy, I think. The songs, the songs…ok him too. ;)x

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      2. I’ll still have to look him up!
        I know who Loki is in legend and I know some movie or other came out but….that’s it. I’ll go check on him right now. Give him a rating. You do realise that if this were men doing this there would be all sorts of sexist comments abounding.
        Although I like to see it more as appreciation of creation. Like fine wine. and works of art.
        A nice arse is also a work of creation, I believe. ;)x

        Nah. Looks a wee bit too much like Professor Snape for my liking!:)x

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      4. Oh my! *fanning*. Changed my mond. Mind eveb. even. Cannae type for slabbering!

        Ok you win!
        Tom Hiddleston you say? In my book.

        And that was very considerate of you putting the video on my page!
        Think I might insert a poll now! :)x

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  2. Don’t worry its only Catholic guilt and as that is made up to make say more hail Marys and walk around on your knees for a few days. You should be 13 years old and experienced Penticostal guilt, thats fire and brimstone, Gods revenge spending a eternity doing something that you hate and that for just thinking about Judy Rottencrutch who sing off key in the rocking choir. But I know the Lord now, he is a fair God, he knows human frailties, because he made us, if you want to blame someone blame Eve and the serpent, if she did as she was told we would have care free lives, running naked about the garden of Eden having fun. So take this weekend to patch things up say sorry and to Jesus and you will be just fine 🙂

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      1. “I’m easy to forget” he mutters to himself as he walks away into the sunset, kicking a pebble alongside the long, lonely road.

        How’s THAT for a guilt trip??!!

        LOL!!

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      9. *running back into the chapel here*

        God forgive me, Father, for my serious error in judgement in missing Trey out of my nominations. I don’t know how I overlooked him. I can only imagine that in my shameless pride I chose to overlook his superior mastery in humour. Last week I twooted him and Facebooked him and reblogged him. He nearly made me wet my knickers, I laughed so hard. I think my sister actually did. Just sayin’. Now God that is a serious talent. Plus the bastard’s trying to guilt me out here. And he’s saying things to me in Latin for crying out loud. I can’t take any more amo, amas, amant, I just can’t. Hey that rhymed. So forgive me Father. And get him off my case. Thanks. You’re the man.

        So’s Trey. Just not as good as you. What do you mean? Suck-up? Trey or me? Oh me. Ok.

        Added to post. Get aff ma case, ya bamstick! :)x

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  4. Its ok I didn’t either……. 🙂 Its still Eves fault, all that gassing to the snake, all she had to do is hed her tongue, Eve must have been from Glasgow as she had to be persuaded to eat fruit, as batter and mars bars where not around then 🙂

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    1. If it had been a banana that would’ve been fine. Done. Sorted. Think you can even get them deep fried. Boak!
      She obviously was from Glasgow though ‘cos most of us here can’t hold our tongues!:)x

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      1. They still do fried anything here in sunny Angus, they cannie hold their whist either here lol 🙂 × sleep time…again and this is early for me lol 🙂

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  5. You are a blessing to the world. Sharing your heart with all your soul and sneaking in a bit of Hugh to boot 🙂 Sorry , nice guy, but he doesn’t do anything for me…however…if you change at any time and throw a few Sandra Bullock’s at me, I’m yours 🙂 Thank you my lovely friend for giving me the Sunshine Award, it is lovely that you think so highly of me, very much appreciated, thank you 🙂 Hopefully the man upstairs has taken you back into credit on the guilt scale of things 🙂

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    1. Him and I are like that *crossing fingers*.
      I heard he could take a laugh as long as I kept it relatively clean. 🙂
      You’re welcome to the award. No chores unless you wish.x

      See what I can do about Sandra for you.;)

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      1. Thank you. And I’ll be waiting with open arms re: Sandra. May your credit rating (upstairs) be always in the plus column…just have to be a little stronger with Hugh I’m afraid, keep him at arms length…or finger tips anyway 🙂

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  6. Oh My Gosh! See I wrote each word out so there would be less swearing or taking the Lord’s name in vain on your page. Would hate for you to have to do more penance and say those crazy arse (is it still a bad word if I spell it different?) words. Trey laid a heavy guilt trip at your door. And…now to the question: I am really confused as to whether I am in Word Pressia or Blogovia (actually, that sounds like something sexual on a woman, just sayin…)? Please clear this up for me.
    I shall pick one, or two, put you are correct on the amount of time: I spent over two hours doing the Versatile blogger one yesterday. I am flattered to get them, but they do require a lot of time. I like Shaun’s disclaimer at the end: if a person isn’t into receiving awards, he asks that you pass it on to someone else. Keep the love going.
    I know the guys name in Train, but sadly, read this first, he is happily married. Patrick Monohan. Now you know. Now what I would like to know, as I think he is all kinds of hot as well, although skinnier than most of the guys I drool, I mean like, over: I can’t find out how he got the scars on his chin and cheek. There is a part of Drops of Jupiter where he holds the mic like the old movie stars did when they were singing and dancing at the same time, so cool. Then there is a look he gives at the end of the video, he looks disappointed in who he is looking at, and I think, “I so would never want to get that look from him. I would feel as if I failed or hurt him really bad.” http://youtu.be/7Xf-Lesrkuc
    So, there some casual reading for you. After you read this, and respond, God and I made a deal, and he says you off the hook for all the swearing you put in poor little Wizard’s blog thread. Yeah, I played it up! HA! Of course I didn’t even mention my words, and since I don’t find myself accountable to him or anyone, except for my crew of three, and the food stamp office every 6 months, I am all sorts of good.
    Peace

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    1. Any -ovia or-essia will do in a storm.That does sound a bit reproductive organ type thingy. Poor Patrick with his scars. In my experience most people who have chin scars have fallen off their bikes. Wide ranging experience in this matter, I’ll have you know. I never fell off mine because I kept my stabilisers on until I was 25, being the sort of sensible and responsible person like wot I am. 🙂 But many people I know portray such injuries and when questioned closely they usually admit to being a show-aff and trying to do wheelies. So it kind of serves them right I think. The other reason people suffer from affliction of scarry chin is that they can’t hold their liquor. They inevitably guzzle down too much of the hard stuff and then fall flat on their faces. As I said I don’t personally have a scar on my chin. But the back of my head has a few! 🙂
      God and I had a word and he’s cool with a few swears as long as I don’t go overboard or start saying god swears. That would get me into so much hot water. Or fire. Or whatever.
      Being accountable to animals is a questionable religion in my opinion. You know what happened to the ancient Egyptians don’t you. Well, bear that in mind. No sacrificial offerings on the altar of Wizard or either of your other two. Anubis did you say? No. Ok then. Just watch your step’s all I’m saying. And food stamps I haven’t heard of. I didn’t even know you were allowed to post food. Thought it might contravene some inane regulation or other. But all’s good. If we can go on holidays I don’t see why the food can’t. Equality for all in my book.
      Please take on board some of this well thought out advice which has been gleaned from years of experience of staring up at the sky. I’ll really have to lay aff the whiskey!:)

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      1. Jeez! I thought you were going to bed.
        Ok, I don’t do the whole sacrificial altar, or alter, whatever floats your boat. Too messy and you have to explain blood stains on the carpet to the manager. But now that I am in a cave, hey…ideas are a flying.
        Food Stamps: are the governments way of helping the poor as little as possible. I should be grateful (thank you oh man-gods), but they keep threatening us and old people (older than me) every time there is a budget cut. In fact, this last fiasco has caused some states to not be able to fund people on their cards, hence adults and children who haven’t the means to pay for the food with cash, are going without. So, I was really holding my breath yesterday. As it is this whole shut down thing cost my disability decision bukos of time I seriously don’t have. Wow! I got off topic. Ok, so you get food stamps, a means to pay for food in which the government subsidizes the grocer. No, we can’t mail food unless it is fruit cake or pumpkins. Those fly pretty good!
        And, the Egyptians did okay. They have a casino, night club (called Ra of all things), and a nice hotel. There is even a few rides through the movie like maze, and an arcade. Oh, and a buffet. So it came out all good. I would also like to see you take out my Bichon, not pick up his shit, and deal with the consequences. Not pretty! I could be graphic there, but alas, I tire.
        I need to get ready for my big trip to the grocery tomorrow. For me it is a big trip. So sad when I remember just going after a 10 hour day, and then actually making a dinner from scratch when I got home. Now it is either dinner from scratch, maybe, grocery, and there is no way in hell I can even do a half day work now. So I am pretty pathetic.
        Shower is a’ callin’.
        Oh, by the way, I don’t have scars from Xteme biking, Xtreme drinking, or from Xtreme bingo (remember that one?,!). I do, however, have scars from Xtreme playing with the killer cats, Xtreme surgeries (not doing that again, well…maybe just once) and, drum roll please, Xtreme horse riding, namely Barrel Racing (google it!). There ya’ go.
        Peace

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      2. I can’t believe I’m still up either. My eyes are now burning holes in my sockets. It’s a new look I’m cultivating.
        That whole food thingy sounds a bit shady. Why not give you extra money. See? Sorted. I could so easily resolve political and socio/economic plights.
        I will certainly look up Barrel racing. But not tonight. I am not even going to look at one more email.
        Have a good day, Rene. Hugs.x

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      3. Back at ya.
        If they gave cash, they are afraid too many of the recipients would get liquor and drugs. Well, I would too, but not to the detriment of my health. In this world, they think all people who are on any type of Welfare are lazy, drug/alcohol addicts, or like the lady I did the video of this week (15 children and someone has to take care of them since daddy got arrested). They don’t even see me. In fact, this is the first time in my life I have ever been able to get them. There were a couple of other times (’90s recession for one) where I was too young, didn’t have kids, and wasn’t disabled so I didn’t qualify. In this world, if you have kids most likely you will have people tripping over themselves to help you. Look at Octomom! Hate that chick. Well, not really hate, just don’t have any respect for her. She even had some movie star buy her a house, and all she had to do was keep up the yard and utilities. She mortgaged it ASAP, and then lost it. Then she cried that she was going to be homeless with all those kids. Oh, the whole thing was pathetic, and she made the UK news a few times posing nude and stuff, she really was a sad reflection on the US.
        Done. Shower calling. You have laughed, lusted, and learned today. It is a good day to…well, you know the rest.

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      4. Bloody outrageous. I’ve got 7 kids and our bastard government hasn’t so much as offered me a tent.
        And, I know what you mean, I’m one of these people who just sees money and thinks, ‘Mad days! Must go and blow the lot on shite.’
        I am always so humbled and grateful that our glorious leaders understand the common man so well. Really, it does your heart good to know that so many of us are held in such contempt. I always much prefer to be shat on with my fellow man by my side than to be identified individually and singled out. Don’t you? Gives me a warm glow. A sort of fuzzy feeling that starts at my centre, radiates outwards and makes me want to go and, what was Rene you said before, oh aye ‘bitch slap the stupid out of them’. Well, that’s what my warm glow does for me.

        Definitions of ‘warm glow’ should be sent on a postcard to me here or to your enlightened leaders who, no doubt, will use it for toilet paper.
        I can feel a post coming on out of this. :)x

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  7. Ok, I took two: the Liebster Award, as that is so cool; and, the Because You Are So Fantabulous Award, well…because I am. Thank you very much. *taking a bow, walking backwards off the stage, as to keep the audience in sight at all times* You did put up the sign and frisk people coming in for rotten vegies and fruit, Right? I am so wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt, no ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ here.
    Peace

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    1. Glad you took two, Rene. You deserve more for the laugh I’ve had with you tonight and all this week. In fact, seeing as how it’s you, you can borrow Hugh for a while. But I want him back, mind! :)x

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      1. His wife might kill me. I don’t get involved with married men. I just pass on the occasional drool picture as a good deed to women kind. So we are good.

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      3. By the way, there was nothing outstanding today. Maybe tomorrow. He has been in China from what I can tell. Lots of talk show stuff.

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      4. China? Very handy. Thanks Rene. I’ll let you know when he’s in Glasgow. Although it might be on the news.
        ‘Mad Glesca mammy arrested for jumping Aussie bones’.
        Or
        ‘Hugh declares undying love for Mrs Momus’
        Or
        ‘Xman and X woman equals a daughter’
        Or
        No, I’m stopping. This is just getting pathetic and ridiculous. He can’t have me. I’m married. :)x

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      5. I liked the second one better.
        It might read more like:
        Wolverine fends off Delusional Glesca mammy! (yes using your words, not mine)
        Ok, that is the second lame one I have come up with in the space of 5 minutes. Losing it. Shower it is.
        Oh, if Bono perchance heads your way, I have always wanted him. Old crushes are the hardest to get over.

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      6. Bono it is then if he happens this way. If he turns up in China, I’ll let you sort that one out yourself!

        ‘Mad Dog Worshipper Hounds Bono’
        Or
        ‘Wizard Captures Bono For Demented Mistress’
        Or
        ‘I Saw Him First. Get Aff!’
        The last would obviously be from the Glasgow press, probably a local rag. :)x

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  8. This is my very favorite award post ever! And now I know why you said I guilted you…I’m a bit behind as I’ve said a couple times now in various ways 😉 the linking of the bloggers is ridiculous how long it takes! Now you’re done…back to beautiful poetry.

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    1. I will never let them mount up like that again. Famous last words!
      Glad it’s done. See confession’s good for the soul. And a wee laugh if you can work it in. 😉
      I actually quite like doing them like this. It’s another, different form of writing for a break from poems or political ranting!
      So pleased with myself now. Hope that’s not a sin! :)x

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  10. och aye – you made me laugh – thanks for the nom sweet- but I don’t accept Awards any more- toooo time consuming – but I am well pleased my name is on your list – such a treasure you be 🙂 and I am very thankful and I shall be stealing Hugh – after all he belongs back in Aussie Land, with his slippers under my bed …juz sayin’ 🙂 xxxx

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  11. Hi scottishmomus, just letting you know that it’s time to get some more credits for upstairs 🙂 I have another job for you. Just finished the bushfire pictures in my Gallery. They are from locals, firefighters and the newspapers. (Hopefully they aren’t copyright). Some you may have seen as they are in papers around the world because of how bad they’ve been. But they are for you to do your poetry shot at FIRE. It’s been pretty bad over here for the last 2 days. Lost a lot of homes but thanks to the fire fighters no loss of life. I await your creativity, some of these shots are incredible.

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    1. OMG! Mark, those photos are incredible. And so awful. How much devastation that must be causing. You say no lives have been lost, thank God. But the homes lost and the fallout from all that is shown must be huge. I haven’t even seen the news. I will check it out.
      But these photos already have my mind going nineteen to the dozen .
      Thank you and thank your friends/neighbours (maybe not the papers?) in the fire service for sharing these with you and us.
      I truly hope it ends soon so that damage to all is limited and some respite may begin. Praying for that.x

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  12. Lol I don’t think you can just award yourself with Hugh! Although it looks like you have. Well played. I love how you absolved the rules and conditions for everyone. The awards are lovely gestures, but I tend to rebel when there are strings attached. Congrats on all the nominations and to all the nominees! 🙂

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    1. Who says ah cannae, eh?!
      I hate rules.
      And conditions.
      Give and don’t expect.
      But I did enjoy doing this one. And the video. It was fun.
      Now back to poetry! :)x

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  13. Hey, let’s include the drummer, okay. Hugh is definitely drool worthy. You deserve him, we all do. This band could be spread around a bit as well. Hmmmm. Let’s make a longer list. LOL Great post.

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    1. The list can be as long as you want. I think Rene has got that covered on the pics front. Although Lilith has rather nice taste too. I’ve discovered!
      Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it. :)x

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