Sad Tears. Happy Tears.

I’ve cried a few times over this holiday period. Yes, Hogmanay, I find a very melancholic night. I hate it actually. I don’t want to view it as the end of a year and reflect on another year of life passing. I want to see it as one more day in the unfolding days of life. But, for some reason, every year, I find myself weeping. I’m fine the following day, as if it never happened. It’s not alcohol induced. It’s just a sad sort of melancholy I cannot avoid in the hours leading up to the bells. And I know I was not alone in feeling this way. I have read a number of posts from others who felt exactly the same.

I want to share with you though another evening of tears. Happy tears.

Christmas Eve. My 20 year old daughter came home to spend Christmas and gave me my Christmas present on Christmas Eve.

It’s a beautiful leather bound journal with carvings and leather bindings. It’s gorgeous.

But she inscribed it to me. And here is what she wrote. I cried. And I hugged her for her love and understanding.

To Mum,

I got you this journal to say that not everything you write has to be read by the world and not everything that is read by the world is actually how you feel.

When you feel angry or frustrated or sad or lonely, I want you to write in this and be reminded of how proud I am of you. How proud that you’re my mother. I want you to write in this and remember that I love you very much, that we all do and that will never change. I want you to write in this especially when you feel that no one is listening or that something is just too difficult to say and know that I will always be here to support you. I want you to write in this, mum, even if it is just one word and I promise you that everything will be okay.

And then one day, if you allow me, I’ll read it. I’ll read it and be reminded that it’s okay to have flaws and faults because the strongest person in my life also did. I’ll read it and remember how brave you are and how your courage helps me through my darkest days. I’ll read it and know it all already because nothing you could say or do could ever disappoint or surprise me. I’ll read it mum and be in absolute awe at your talent. You’re amazing – never forget that.

Merry Christmas.

MK xxx

I’m crying again as I type this up. It is the most beautiful gift I have ever been given. The journal is lovely. The words take my breath away.

I am sure we all have people in our lives who feel this way about us. I happen to have a daughter who, like myself, loves to articulate what she feels. I am honoured she feels this way.

We all have those who love us unconditionally, I hope. And maybe we should try to say what we feel to let others know our love too. This has set me up for the rest of my life let alone the new year.

71 thoughts on “Sad Tears. Happy Tears.”

    1. She blew me away with this. I have five daughters and two sons and they are all special. All unique. This one, though, is like the other side of me. A really strange and wonderful knowing connection. I was moved beyond measure at her understanding. x

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  1. wow, those are such beautiful, loving words. I hope my daughter feels the same toward me at 20. I think she does at 6 but articulates it with “mommy, I love you to 600” 😉

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    1. And the next stage is, ‘to the moon and back’ or ‘to infinity’. I’m sure she will. We probably don’t give them credit for the level of their understanding. At least, I don’t think I have. I will reflect more on all my children’s love and my love for them, knowing that it is unconditional but not always spoken. x

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      1. I think I will. I also got a fab antique set of calligraphy pens in an ornate box. They will be ideal for the job. I have a fixation for stationery by the way. 😉 x

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    1. Thank you, Cate. I realised that as soon as I read the words. Probably just needed the reminder. As we all do at times. Happy New Year to you. May unconditional love flow through your life. x

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    1. Truly, I have seven incredible children. Each of them amazing in their own unique ways. Mary-Kate has always been a very sensitive child. I used to worry that she would be taken advantage of because she is so loving. But she has grown into such a strong young woman. They all make me very proud. 🙂 x

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  2. Such beautiful words. I can’t imagine my daughter ever understanding me that much: even though she’s only four we fail to understand each other relentlessly.
    You are a wonderful mother to have raised such an eloquent, loving, supportive and self aware daughter. Gorgeous.

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    1. You’ll be surprised. I guarantee it. Thinking back to those early formative years of all my kids there would be no way of knowing how they would turn out. And life is not over yet, so many things may change. But, right now, I can say, hand on heart, that they all make me very proud of who they are. There is strength and compassion in all of them.
      And, as different as their personalities are, each of them displays love in ways that leave you in no doubt. Mary-Kate does it by words and lots of cuddles. A real touchy, feely girl. The others have their ways and those ways are no less special. Your daughter will be the same. Amazing and finding her way through everything you teach her and in becoming herself more and more each day. x

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  3. Well, I cried most of the way through this beautiful post! What a lovely gift indeed! And how proud you must be and should be! That’s something to be saved and read whenever the sadness or doubt comes. Thankfully our children do have a way of keeping us anchored and safe. Perhaps Mary Kate will pick up the pen, as it were, one day and another good writer will be given to the world. Blessings, Natalie 🙂

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    1. Thank you, Natalie. She’s actually a much better writer than I am. Some of her ideas and things I have read are quite astounding. But it’s not what she wants to do at the moment. Maybe one day. She’s at uni just now pursuing something quite different. I just let them all follow their own lead and that seems to work. 🙂
      I will definitely treasure her words forever. Blessings to you too. x

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    1. I’m amazed at the number of people that keep crediting me with my daughter’s worthiness. But, now I’m stopping to think about it, I’m going to take due credit. 😉 Seriously, they are amazing because they are. As so many of our kids are because we care enough to allow them to grow. I’m astounded at my own offspring. And I’m pretty sure we all are. So huge pats on the back to all parents. Go us. 🙂 x

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  4. I wonder where she got “it” from? Yes, take the credit! She didn’t grow up like that without a lot of help and guidance from somewhere/someone! Congrats on being thought of in that way, there are many parents who dream of a relationship like this with their children – I’m one of them!
    Blessings,
    Ray

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    1. Hey, the reason this blew me away is that in the normal course of everyday we don’t always say these things and we all have our moments fraught with angst. But it is wonderful to know that deep down there is an understanding and love that surfaces and feels able to express itself. I really don’t doubt that most, if not all kids, feel exactly the same way about their parents. I know it would be naive to imagine that all kids feel this way. Some things I have read leave me filled with sadness that children hurt so much at the hands and words of their parents. And vice versa. But, mostly, we’re all trying our best and I think, eventually, we all come to appreciate that. I’m sure my daughter’s words could be the words of so many children if they chose to express them. Mary-Kate’s just like that. One of mine would die before he put it into words like that. But they find their own ways. Some of them quite funny and bizarre. But that’s a whole other post. 😉 x

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  5. my mere words are not enough to tell you how lucky you are and how this got to me… us as mums want to know that our kids are proud of us, that they know we have faults… all I ask for really.
    You are blessed to have such wonderful weans. xxx

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  6. Aww feck sis, when you were reading this to me last night I wanted to cry buckets. So proud of MK too. xx

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      1. Och,it’s just the time of year honey…and like we were saying last night, we all need to be told/reminded at times that we are okay, that we are loved. Being a part of this amazing family is what keeps me sane (well, kinda sane) most of the time! And describing yourself as mumsy when you are a complete and utter sexy woman…oh dinae dae that hen!!! 😉 xxx

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    1. Thank you, Ms. Vee. I had the pleasure of this daughter’s company this evening with her partner. Both lovely girls. I know I am blessed. I just have to remind myself at times. 😉 x

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      1. I’m glad to hear it. I’m finding it hard going just now to keep on top of life and blog reading. I’m still writing. Just can’t get round to posting much. 😉 And feeling somewhat frustrated about it. How sad! Think I might be an addict! 🙂 x

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      2. I’m trying to take it easy. But life keeps shovelling stuff towards me. Any spirit I have must have been inherited because I’m pretty sure the real me wants to run! 🙂 x

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      3. Ooh, a holiday. and sunshine. I could so do that. 🙂 I really don’t know why I was born in January. It is so not my kind of weather. Nor February. Nor March come to that. Hanging in for rebirth here round about April, May. Maybe further along going by Scotland’s clime. 😉 x

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