1. Everyone talks about finding the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Personally, I’m not looking to develop a heart problem.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. When people say they can’t cook, all I hear is, “I can’t read or follow directions.”
4. If you were to lose your left arm your right one would be left.
5. No, I’m not a terrible driver, I’m just a really good stunt woman.
6. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
7. This “normal” that you speak of…it doesn’t sound fun at all.
8. I don’t know if there is any weirder feeling than getting your socks wet in the toilet.
9. It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer…
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