A Play Wot I Huvnae Writ Yet

A wee play format. Tell me what you think.

Ok, I want to update you on the current political position here in Scotland and have to look at England too to do that. I know, hellish, isn’t it?

But, it gets a wee bit confusing, especially for folk not familiar with the parties here.

So, I’ll do my best.

In power we have the Conservatives/Tories – let’s call them Henry.

They didn’t have a majority at the last election so –

Liberal Democrats/LibDems got into bed with them – let’s call that shagging. The Lib/Dems can be Sally or Paul, if you like. I’m very open-minded.

The Labour Party –once renowned as the voice of the people are now called bastards by most of us here in Scotland. That would be because big Gordy – Gordon Brown to you – worked us over (allegedly, wink, wink) to save his own party/the union/the gravy train. The jury’s out on that one. He’s not as dense as he looks so what the hell exactly he was thinking is anyone’s guess. I have mine. Now big Gordy used to be the Prime Minister after he shafted Tony Blair who shafted other folk. What goes around and all that.

Ed Milliband – poor, helpless bugger that he is – well, have you seen him? Have you heard him? Yeah, ‘nuff said. He’s actually the leader of the Labour Party…..

…sorry, choked on my own spit there. All better.

Well, I would be if I didn’t feel so betrayed by a party that I have voted for all my life, feckin’ canvassed for years ago, paid my dues! So, traitors to the cause in my book. Done. Dusted. Never again. I’m usually very forgiving too. I don’t know what’s come over me. Lol!

So, um who else is there?

Oh, yeah. There’s a crew on the rise called UKIP – United Kingdom Independence Party. I don’t know that anyone ever calls them that. Helluva mouthful. Very hard to swallow. Just like them. Some very dubious words spurt forth from their leader – one Nigel Farage – fuck, you couldn’t make these names up!

He’s basically a plank. But a dangerous one. (Ever been hit over the head with a two by four? Exactly.) All the more so because he doesn’t have policies per se. Just ideas about stuff like immigration and the European Union. Stuff that you can use as a scapegoat for what is going wrong at a local or national level. (Nothing to do with government policies, you see.) It’s all everybody else. Foreigners and all that. You know them. Different coloured folk, folk that talk different languages and have a strange accent. Fuck! That’s us up here in Scotia. Yup, he doesn’t much like us. Fair do’s. I don’t like him. 🙂

Can we call them the Nigels? Nah, that doesn’t do them justice. Can I call them Ali or something? Something that would really piss them off? Yeah. Ali. That’s them. Oh, I want to post this to them!

There’s also the Green Party which kinda does what it says on the tin.

There will be other independents and so on but that’s the gist of the English crew.

Up here, in the thinner air where we breathe and see a bit clearer there are a few other options.

There is, of course, Scottish Henry, Scottish George and Scottish Sally/Paul. There’s even a Scottish Nigel Ali (stick that in your pipe, Nige!) much to my everlasting shame.

Henry’s been dying for a long time – pretty much rotting in the ground truth be told.

Nobody talks about the Scottish Sally/Paul any more. Because we’re too kind to say really awful things about people that can’t help themselves. Really, we are. Most of the time.

George has always done well here, sending a fair few MPs (Members of Parliament) to Westminster (in London/England – not Scotland – whole other country, fyi) But he’s gonna die now too. Mainly because he tried to commit suicide. Normally I would save folk like that from themselves. But, this time, I’m supplying pills/rope/ a big shove/ banana skin. Take your pick. I’m doing it with my next vote. So are thousands and thousands of us – millions actually. So, yeah. Deid! RIP. He once was a fine, upstanding man. I’ll mourn his loss. Long live the king, SNP/Greens/SSP. (Scottish Nationalist Party/Greens(duh)/Scottish Socialist Party.)

We’ll call the SNP, Eck or Nicola because they deserve a mention being as how one has just resigned to make room for the new young face of his then depute.

The Greens we’ll call Patrick because they have an MSP (Member of Scottish Parliament) called that. That’s nice.

The SSP we’ll call Colin because that’s the name of one of their spokesmen. .

I’ll insert here a political compass overview of the parties because it’s very useful. And I like inserting media. 🙂

Political compass uk



internationalchart pol compass

And mine?

pol compass mine

Yeah, me and the Dalai Lama. Best buds! I didn’t even know I was that Green.

I’ve lost the plot of this play! This is why I haven’t finished that bloody book, Mark!

I get sidetracked. But I do enjoy the journey.

So, now that that’s all as clear as mud to you, I’ll head back to the drawing board, Twitter, Facebook.…..aw, damn it to hell, Mark! I’m doing it!

Just not in play format. I can’t cope with so many characters.

47 thoughts on “A Play Wot I Huvnae Writ Yet”

      1. You my dear sis and the play wot you’ve not writ yet! Title is shuuuuperb!! Def catch up tomorrow xx


      2. Lmao ya madzer! I went to ma scratcher at the witching hour, had 2 very satisfying hours of shut eye, and decided to grace ra world wide web with my presence! xx


      3. I’m oan my hoblays, I can be up all night if I feel like it. And I have. Cannae stoap writin’! I’m even twooting! I think I can hear wan tae! And not a drap has passed my lushies! I better go now, right enough. I need to get up in a few hours to have coffee. 🙂 x

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yer a busy wumin’ hen! I myself am presently imbibing in a delightful can of yonder gut/teeth rotting, caffeine-loaded pepsi max therefore ’tis unlikely I will sleep in the next few hours. Just checked the weather for ra morra – seems it will be pishing with rain for yer hoblays noo get tae yer bed or I’ll be roon the noo tae tuck ye in!! xx


  1. lol 🙂 Your journey is an amazing one momus.
    Now, here is the answer to all those lines and pictures above. ALL, and I mean ALL bills, laws, notions, ponderings by those that are in power MUST be put to the people to vote on. They work for us. We go online once every 6 months (they most certainly don’t work any faster), and spend 20min voting on different issues. (If we can’t get off our backsides for that amount of time we deserve what we get). Then WE get exactly what we voted for. Any changes made must then be returned for a vote.
    We stop running around en-masse screaming at all the decisions that they make against the ‘majority’. And they call what they do ‘Democracy’.
    Gradually because they no longer hold any egotistical power, and are no longer being fed under the table by bribes etc, the system will gradually only attract people who are interested in running the country. Wouldn’t that be original 🙂
    Now THAT is Democracy for the people BY the people. As it is supposed to be.
    Mind you, bring that up under the current climate and you are likely to get shot mysteriously. A big gravy train it is, and they most certainly don’t want to lose it.
    Now…about that book…or should I vote for you at the next election? 🙂


    1. A bit revved after a meeting tonight but I’ll stick to writing and speaking my piece at the meetings. And a bit more activism, of course.
      It would certainly be something to see a more interactive political discussion between the public and the politicos. We’re about to start a few projects here to reach out to some who have not been up until now. We, at a local level, and more at a national level. It needs to go right across the countries though, one end of the UK to the other and everywhere else too where decisions are made that undermine society and justice. Especially when the elected officials operate on fear and misinformation.
      The internet is a huge tool if harnessed properly but I don’t trust present government types to embrace it unless they could ‘manage’ it.
      We’ll keep on though with trying to do the right thing by the people who need it most and pray that more people see through the illusion of democracy as it stands.

      I would go back to the book but my eyes are shutting! I’m so going to regret this tomorrow/today. 😉


      1. Just follow your heart my friend. The realisation that enough is enough is beginning to raise its head and they will no longer have the free reign they once had. Just speak your truth and it will grow with the freedom it represents.
        Or if worse comes to worse, sic Nessie onto the non believers, that’ll make em’ move 🙂


      2. Heart, head, soul. Don’t know another way to go, Mark. Just getting the balance right for me is a bugger! But I’ll do my best. And, if that’s not good enough, there’s more than one monster in our lochs. 😉 x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You couldn’t make it up, could you?! Here’s the plan: stick ’em all on the Isle of Man and let then bore each other to death.
    Interesting tool, Political Compass – I’m with yourself and the Dalai Lama!


    1. I’ve never been to the Isle of Man, Chris but I’m inclined to respect folk generally too much to lob losers at them regardless of knowing them. 😉 It does defy all reason and understanding to watch them in action. I don’t know if you saw the two disparate pictures of representation in the commons by the MPs for the two separate issues of discussing the ‘Scottish question’ and their own pay checks. Guess which one had a full house? Self-serving is no way to run any country/ies and they need calling into queston by as many of us as possible. Well, all of us, seeing as how we pay them. ‘Accountability’ as they’re so often fond of bandying about as reasons for partial policy.
      Oops, went off on one again!
      Me, you and the Dalai Lama should meet up one night for a jar and a natter. Put the world to rights, left of centre, south of control. Don’t know what the map reference for that is but I’ll know you when I see what you’re wearing. Or would that be the Dalai Lama?! Quite fetching some of his gear. 🙂


      1. Neither have I, so apologies to any of our Manx friends – it was the first Island that came to mind!
        I did not see the representation in the ‘discussions’, but your remark certainly doesn’t surprise me. I would hardly class myself as naive, yet it never ceases to amaze me that those in power are always (generally speaking) the least suitable for the job. Self-serving is a fairly moderate description. As for ‘accountability’, well, it would appear that MPs are the least accountable of all. Please (I know you wouldn’t) don’t give me the ‘ they are accountable via elections’ speech, as all they ever do is slightly shift individual’s power – You’ve set me off now!!!
        Left of centre, south of control? I do believe that that is a small island in the South Pacific.
        Keep ranting. Chris.


      2. South Pacific?! I’m there, in a heartbeat.
        They do bug me no end for the double-standards they hold – their expectations of us differ so greatly from their own ideas of what they should be doing. No, they’re not really accountable at all. It’s the same faces seen and the same words used to appeal at the point of election (which is probably why so few generally vote, seeing through the same-old, same-old). That was something that was very different here during the referendum run up. Although there were faces known, much of the debate was taking place at a grassroots level, with people searching and finding facts for themselves, going out of their way to learn. Even the very youngest. There’s hope maybe that, as more become disillusioned by political intrigue, people will make the differences needed. That’s my hope and belief anyway.x

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Ok, I’ll meet you somewhere in the centre. 😉 But I’m definitely sticking with south of that particular graph. I like that it defined more clearly other aspects of the social/political spectrum. And I quite fancy meeting the Dalai Lama at any juncture. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When I first started the post, I thought, great! A view from a true Scot (can I say that? After all, my Grandfather was from Glasgow)… I got sort of lost with all the names, but, believe me the names you gave them sort of helped me out. I finally understood what an MP is, have read it, heard it and seen it in movies, but didn’t have a clue and never thought to google it. Saw the president’s name on your graft, that could have been whited out (no pun intended there) in my opinion, he doesn’t do much in foreign policy if you ask me (which I know you didn’t, it was my 2 cents of opinion) Anyhow, it was an interesting read and I wish you would have recorded this one as I would have loved to hear your intonation in this all. Thanks! I am still as confused about Scotland’s politics as I am about ours….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I never even thought to read it. Maybe I should have done given all the colloquialisms and opportunity for a good Glasgow rant. I might do it yet and repost it. 🙂 Although it’s had way more views than likes which kinda tell its own story! 😉 But tough, I say. It’s about people first and that’s what’s wrong with politics here, there and everywhere.
      I actually started it intending to give an update on what’s actually been happening since the referendum but I got lost myself in all the names and gave up the ghost! 🙂 Maybe next time. Thanks for reading and commenting, DAF and I wouldn’t worry about not understanding the party politics too much. They don’t understand them either. And that’s their business. Sheesh!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. very true… when my daughters came to an age of voting, they asked me how to vote and what to look for, and did I follow party lines…. I told them that voting is personal and private and they had to read and research and follow their hearts and at times our votes may cancel each other out, but, in the end it was up to them to decide what and who they wanted…. Since that time, I know one of my daughters has voted the exact opposite of me in each election….


      2. The amazing thing here during the Scottish Referendum was how active and engaged all age groups became. Even my youngest, at seven, wanted to know the ins and outs of what was going on. My thirteen year old was speaking knowledgeably on subjects I didn’t know she knew anything about up until then! Social media played a huge part in informing the young and keeping them engaged with one another and arguing their cases. They were researching and asking questions so that they were armed with information. Unfortunately, many of the older generation got their mis/information from the regular media and believed many of the lies that were purveyed. Lies that were proved to be so in the days and weeks after. With an aged population here the fear factor swung the vote the other way. That won’t happen again. New channels of communication and information dissemination are opening up to ensure that folk have the facts. They’re all out there. I’ve never studied so much – even when I was at college! Knowledge and information, checked and rechecked – that’s the way forward. You can’t scare people who know truth as opposed to receive a version of it.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s what we have found here. Even the BBC, to whom we pay licence money in order to guarantee impartiality(!), were caught on biased reporting. Newspapers that did the same have been ‘buycotted’ by Indy supporters and their sales have plummeted. Doing the same to businesses which purveyed fear-mongering messages (untrue after the fact). Hitting where their pockets are. A lot of proactive action to let those guilty of such tactics know that they are culpable.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s fantastic. It’s funny how much alike our two systems of government are, even with all those parties you’ve got over there. I sit right with you, smack dab in the middle of the green square. Over here, there’s no party for the green squares. The green squares are supposed to be Democrats, but they’re all Assholes now, so either I have to join the Asshole party, or curl up in the fetal position in the corner and think about Canada. I think the latter is more sensible.


    1. Lol! If they actually advertised themselves as assholes that, at least, would be something. I’m going to make sure their relative positions here are known as widely as I can in my locality to make sure folk actually know who they’re voting for based on evidence gathered in this format rather on what they say prior to election.
      I’m fed up with the foetal position so I’m all out for the green square! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It would. If they were honest for even a moment, and said “Vote for us! We’re all assholes, and we’re just out for the guys with the most money!” I might consider voting for them. At least I wouldn’t be disappointed.


      2. Before the vote, we heard about the commercial going around in Scotland about the poor woman with not enough brains to make a decision on the subject. I can’t even believe they tried some shit like that. Disgusting. Better yet, I’ll send you the show it’s from, I laughed for hours at this guy.


      3. I’ve just sat and watched that. Pretty funny. I’ve never seen him before. I ended up having another look at this one. And giggling. I don’t know if you know him. Kevin Bridges. I love his humour.


  5. Holy Cow!! I thought the political groups in the US are difficult to deal with. We have this party that are so far to the right (conservationism) that they fall off the charts….The call themselves the Tea Party….but they are so full of themselves and hot air. I think they should rename themselves the “Tea Bag Party”!! Shit that is just the beginning of the problem and the webs cast by our political system.

    Thank you for your facts and opinions on politics that we Americans don’t hear about in any real sense of the word. I enjoy reading your blog.

    Till next time, Cathy the Bagg Lady


  6. Great idea and well thought out. Bang on with where the parties are it! Hope to read it, whatever format it takes 😉


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