A Play Wot I Huvnae Writ Yet

A wee play format. Tell me what you think.

Ok, I want to update you on the current political position here in Scotland and have to look at England too to do that. I know, hellish, isn’t it?

But, it gets a wee bit confusing, especially for folk not familiar with the parties here.

So, I’ll do my best.

In power we have the Conservatives/Tories – let’s call them Henry.

They didn’t have a majority at the last election so –

Liberal Democrats/LibDems got into bed with them – let’s call that shagging. The Lib/Dems can be Sally or Paul, if you like. I’m very open-minded.

The Labour Party –once renowned as the voice of the people are now called bastards by most of us here in Scotland. That would be because big Gordy – Gordon Brown to you – worked us over (allegedly, wink, wink) to save his own party/the union/the gravy train. The jury’s out on that one. He’s not as dense as he looks so what the hell exactly he was thinking is anyone’s guess. I have mine. Now big Gordy used to be the Prime Minister after he shafted Tony Blair who shafted other folk. What goes around and all that.

Ed Milliband – poor, helpless bugger that he is – well, have you seen him? Have you heard him? Yeah, ‘nuff said. He’s actually the leader of the Labour Party…..

…sorry, choked on my own spit there. All better.

Well, I would be if I didn’t feel so betrayed by a party that I have voted for all my life, feckin’ canvassed for years ago, paid my dues! So, traitors to the cause in my book. Done. Dusted. Never again. I’m usually very forgiving too. I don’t know what’s come over me. Lol!

So, um who else is there?

Oh, yeah. There’s a crew on the rise called UKIP – United Kingdom Independence Party. I don’t know that anyone ever calls them that. Helluva mouthful. Very hard to swallow. Just like them. Some very dubious words spurt forth from their leader – one Nigel Farage – fuck, you couldn’t make these names up!

He’s basically a plank. But a dangerous one. (Ever been hit over the head with a two by four? Exactly.) All the more so because he doesn’t have policies per se. Just ideas about stuff like immigration and the European Union. Stuff that you can use as a scapegoat for what is going wrong at a local or national level. (Nothing to do with government policies, you see.) It’s all everybody else. Foreigners and all that. You know them. Different coloured folk, folk that talk different languages and have a strange accent. Fuck! That’s us up here in Scotia. Yup, he doesn’t much like us. Fair do’s. I don’t like him. 🙂

Can we call them the Nigels? Nah, that doesn’t do them justice. Can I call them Ali or something? Something that would really piss them off? Yeah. Ali. That’s them. Oh, I want to post this to them!

There’s also the Green Party which kinda does what it says on the tin.

There will be other independents and so on but that’s the gist of the English crew.

Up here, in the thinner air where we breathe and see a bit clearer there are a few other options.

There is, of course, Scottish Henry, Scottish George and Scottish Sally/Paul. There’s even a Scottish Nigel Ali (stick that in your pipe, Nige!) much to my everlasting shame.

Henry’s been dying for a long time – pretty much rotting in the ground truth be told.

Nobody talks about the Scottish Sally/Paul any more. Because we’re too kind to say really awful things about people that can’t help themselves. Really, we are. Most of the time.

George has always done well here, sending a fair few MPs (Members of Parliament) to Westminster (in London/England – not Scotland – whole other country, fyi) But he’s gonna die now too. Mainly because he tried to commit suicide. Normally I would save folk like that from themselves. But, this time, I’m supplying pills/rope/ a big shove/ banana skin. Take your pick. I’m doing it with my next vote. So are thousands and thousands of us – millions actually. So, yeah. Deid! RIP. He once was a fine, upstanding man. I’ll mourn his loss. Long live the king, SNP/Greens/SSP. (Scottish Nationalist Party/Greens(duh)/Scottish Socialist Party.)

We’ll call the SNP, Eck or Nicola because they deserve a mention being as how one has just resigned to make room for the new young face of his then depute.

The Greens we’ll call Patrick because they have an MSP (Member of Scottish Parliament) called that. That’s nice.

The SSP we’ll call Colin because that’s the name of one of their spokesmen. .

I’ll insert here a political compass overview of the parties because it’s very useful. And I like inserting media. 🙂

(http://politicalcompass.org/test)

International?

And mine?

Yeah, me and the Dalai Lama. Best buds! I didn’t even know I was that Green.

I’ve lost the plot of this play! This is why I haven’t finished that bloody book, Mark!

I get sidetracked. But I do enjoy the journey.

So, now that that’s all as clear as mud to you, I’ll head back to the drawing board, Twitter, Facebook.…..aw, damn it to hell, Mark! I’m doing it!

Just not in play format. I can’t cope with so many characters.