For Science. Slainte.

In the interests of maintaining an upright position beyond four o’clock in the day it is necessary, after a certain age, (for me, anyway) to take some measures that may facilitate this aim. As a proponent of scientific experimentation to determine cause and effect with some accuracy I am about to undergo a series of tests that may affect my blogging capabilities.

It has come to my notice over the last year or so (it takes me a while to see patterns emerge) that my ability to sleep right through the night is now a matter of unrecorded history, merely living on in my memory and those of my family who can attest to previously witnessing the strains of my dulcet snoring at odd times throughout the night, proof, I dare to hypothesise, that I must have been sleeping.

Not being a proponent of early nights, I have laughingly called ‘bedtime’ any time I felt like it. Ridiculously low hours of sleep have previously not been an issue and added, I like to think, an edge to my humour throughout the day, being as how I haven’t always necessarily been in full control of my mental faculties. My excuse, sticking to it, although yet to be proven.

However, when problems arise, requiring answers, I turn to science as one possible means of exploring the wonders of the body and the mind in the belief that some bugger surely has investigated this before me. They have. But they’re them. And I’m me. So I’m testing for myself. I was good at science. I’ve got this.

I have taken copious notes on the problem (even written some poems about it. During the night. Can many scientists say that? Didn’t think so.)

The problem, as outlined, will require looking at from several different angles. I have, in fact, already studied one or two. And dismissed them as not scientifically proven.

This week, tale-end of, I will be drinking wine before bedtime while watching movies. I found it somewhat helpful last night and only woke three times during the night. Marvellous dreams recorded for future poems. Bonus.)

Tonight I will be experimenting with one Baron Saint Jean, ‘a smooth and mellow red wine with cherry and damson flavours’, hailing from the Spanish heartlands. Not one of my usual go-to countries for red biddy but I’m prepared to experiment in the furtherance of science.

Someone’s got to do it.

Last night’s Australian offering, ‘a deep ruby colour with a nose of raspberry and strawberry with spicy pepper and cloves’ may have helped a little in the insomniac stakes but I am a little concerned that the addition of spices may have done little to alleviate the problem entirely. And, who knows, may even have exacerbated it as can be the case when ruby murrays are indulged in before slumber. * Note to self, I am not from the east end of London.

I shall be researching various fruit combos from varied parts of the world to ensure a full bodied range of experience to experimentation ratio. Notes will be taken, dreams or absence thereof recorded, some songs may be sung but only if really pissed.

I will, of course, pursue other avenues and intend to take this matter as seriously as any scientist who can’t sleep through the night. But, I am working from the premise that a good bucket at the weekend sometimes has the ability to knock me out cold for lengthy periods that I will call sleep.

Please bear with me in these hazardous times as there may be groundbreaking results. I feel relatively confident that I can do this although I haven’t ascertained whether other noted scientists, apart from myself, have gone this route. ( I got excellent marks in biology. Chemistry was another matter. And physics, well, let’s just say that it was beyond my capabilities. But I’m pretty sure that I write better poetry than Stephen Hawkings. That fact has not been checked. So I could be wrong. But sometimes I make facts up. It’s a teacher thing. I’ve heard. Also not proven.)

Wish me luck as I venture where vintners have never gone before and where science has seriously let us down.

I will attempt to maintain decorum at all times, keep to regulation uniform (well, I’ve still got my nurse’s dress, that’ll do fine) and optimise results by having a control. Two glasses shall be the rule (of thumb) and, as I’m not driving to work these days, I feel confident that I shall maintain an upright position without any intervention from law enforcement.

Further updates will be notified. Probably in poetry.

Some sacrifice may be required and Lent is out the window.




17 thoughts on “For Science. Slainte.”

  1. Splendid! Brave woman, Anne-Marie: some bugger’s got to take the grape by the horns, after all, and squeeze merry hell out of it. Love your commitment to this most unedifying of tasks. Ye gods, bet you’re having to force the old roseate and giggle-inducing down the hatch of an evening – and would, I daresay, plug yourself into a drip and mainline it so you didn’t have to quaff the beastly stuff!
    Wish I lived closer. I would be most happy to be your assistant in your tiresome endeavours; after all, a bucket in the gob is worth two in the distillary!
    Bottoms up!


    1. It is indeed a sad state of affairs, Ali, when science has let us down to such a degree that a woman has to subject herself to the unedifying task of consuming grapes in any other form than peeled for her by the fingers of Adonis. My preference will always be for the fingers rather than the swallowing. Dare I suggest,Ali, that if Adonis, or one of his cohort, were here it would be an unnecessary task on my part. Just sayin’…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absobloodylutely – couldn’t have put it better myself, and bugger the fingers; I’d be looking for action of a more girthsome variety myself, prurient old hag that I undoubtedly am! Let’s conjure up a couple of well-endowed demi-gods, and get stuck in, sez I! xxx

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      2. I fear that perhaps you are not taking the whole premise of accurate experimentation as seriously as one would wish. In order to accurately gauge what you suggest there would, undoubtedly, be much work to be undertaken. For one, girths are relative. None blood-linked, of course. That’s just sick. But I shall endeavour to source a petri dish of adequate proportions to further explore this possibility. Ah, science! One question answered, another presents.

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      3. You’ll get the Nobel Prize yet, Woman! Girths are relative – heehee! The mind boggles. Of course, I haven’t touched a drop (Of WINE!) since – ooh, last night! – so I fear my natural scientific bent (and it most certainly was) has been subsumed by a raging dry throat and a wish to imbibe a bidet or two myself! Pass thee bucket! xxx

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      4. My last communique with Stephen (of the Hawkings family) suggests that it is permissable, on occasion, to veer from the scientific path usually preferred, for in incurring accidents of the slip up variety, there is much that may be discovered. I concurred with his advice as I have, in the past (wee while) noticed that the absence of regulated may lead to discovery. With his sound advice in mind and my own recent, and not so recent, discoveries forefront I heartily recommend the bidet method. I used to use one, on first coming upon them, as a beer cooler. Case in point. Veer from the obvious.


    1. That’s a lot of countries. A lot of fruit combos. But I will be that woman for all of us. You have my word. As a scientist. Because we believe everything they tell us. I go on from here to my second glass. It goes down a bit too easily. *noted


  2. I am sure that the Scientific community will await your conclusions with baited breath – just be careful that some unscrupulous bugger doesn’t highjack your findings and claim them as their own. Until then may your body become a well filled vessel of Scientific research!
    Keep your results truthful, though – as if teachers would make things up. Whoever would believe such a thing!

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  3. Seems your problem may be that you are a writer in which case you are destined to find success in your science. 🙂


    1. There may be something in that, Mike, as I am awake for the second time since falling over (to sleep, not wine) and I am writing again. Science diary updated, one poem edited and about to search for the elusive sandman once more. Thank you for pointing out what may prove to be a valuable piece of evidence in the ongoing investigation. I do like when the community can come together to support each other in their endeavours. Science would not have progressed as it has were it not for the input given from many quarters. I thank you (and so does Stephen, I’m fairly sure). 🙂

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  4. A girl after my own heart, pray tell which Australian wine was it? I’m sure I could recommend quite a few. I’m glad your taking one for the team in the name of research and I am here on the other side being your support team. 😉🍷🍷🍷 xx


    1. I’m afraid that particular Australian is langiushing in the bottle recycling bin but I’m open to recommendations. Full-bodied, deep ruby, fond of Cabernet-Sauvignon, Merlot, any of that ilk. Nothing wishy-washy that looks or tastes like Ribena. We will compare notes and may get through this task quicker than anticipated. It’s wonderful that you have the home grown varieties where you are. I need to drink whisky or Drambuie for that. Another sacrifice I am prepared to make. Martyrs we are.x


      1. Can I recommend wynns black label cab Sav then, for starters. We have SO many to choose from but Wynns Coonawarra Estate have some delightful drops 😉I’ll come up with some more for you. Yes natures we are and shall remain 😘


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