Household Tips #1

What to do when you have a tube of lipstick stuck in your hoover.

Right inside it. Inside the bit you can’t get at even when you remove the hose.

The bit where all the crap gets vacuumed up making its way to the collection point. But not the hose itself.

Hose itself is easy. Drop something heavyish into the hose and give it a good shake. Or stuff a wire curtain holder down its length. Always keep one handy, me.

But not the hose. The other bit leading from where the hose joins the body into all the invisble bits where the fairy dust suckers live. The bit with nine million screws holding it together. Know that bit?

The bit where your thirteen year old daughter in her laziness  wisdom decided to just go for it and sucked everything up. Keep the auld dear happy.


After figuring something wasn’t working, when I would have been better on my hands and knees with a straw between my teeth, I investigated and saw the culprit. Lovely shade of pale pink lippy. Could see the end label but couldn’t catch the bugger.

Caught my daughter though. She wasn’t much help. Except to bring me all sorts of bits and pieces from around the house to attempt its extraction.

Pliers – grip kept slipping. Toffee hammer – don’t ask. Plastic ladle – it has a long handle. It was a long shot. But it didn’t work.

Guess what did? A paper scraper. I think that’s what it’s known as in the trade. Mibbe not. Looks a bit like a palette knife. I’ve been known to use one to scrape wall paper and plaster small holes. Not brilliantly, I have to admit. But sometimes when you’re waiting for a man to get round to that wee five minute job you’re better making an arse of it first so he can show you how it should be done.

Not that I deliberately make an arse of things. Just turns out that way sometimes. I know my limitations but it doesn’t stop me having a go. Once built a set of wardrobes from scratch as a twenty-something. Apparently six-inch nails into plaster isn’t a great idea. I hadn’t heard of rawl plugs and drills at that point. Nor spirit levels. But the design of the wardrobes was fab. They stood for years. I never did get round to putting doors on them. Which was actually quite handy. I could choose my outfit for the day while lying in bed. So could my sister. Lay there across the room from each other discussing whose clothes we’d wear that day. Saves loads of time.

Anyway, about that lipstick. Fingers into orifice. Hoover’s. Not daughter’s. Grab with fingers of one hand wedged in the opening (this is beginning to sound obscene), edge the paper scraper in. Lever. Voila!

No one gets near my hoover again.

Wait a minute, I might have been had here.

20 thoughts on “Household Tips #1”

    1. Jeez, Pam, that’s nothing. It’s like an asylum here most days. I’ve learned to go with the flow for the most part, with the occasional meltdown just to let them know when they’ve completely overstepped the mark. Last night was another case in point with the packing saga but I find wine helps. And swearing. Makes for some near Tena Lady moments but got to roll with it. 😀

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  1. Ahem…there but for the grace of God go I 😀 I’ve had pegs, paper clips, strange looking things that I couldn’t recognise even after surgery, and even other women’s bits that I haven’t got a clue where they came from…and I dare not ask 😀
    So I gave up vacuuming, saves a heap of time 🙂
    Just gets a bit dusty after a while. So once every six months I open a window 😀
    Ok, I’m kidding…I open two windows 🙂

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      1. lol. No, I meant their jewellery. I’ve had a variety and I meant I did not ask because of the odd looks because of the look I get when I mention the jewellery and it’s not ‘theirs’. In other words ‘who else’ has been throwing their jewellery around my home 😀
        And I don’t mean I have a trail of ladies going through my place, even though that is supposed to be the ‘macho’ thing. When I’m ‘with’ someone, I’m with them.
        Um, how deep am I now? 😀

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      2. Actually….then there was the….or the….. .And one day I found a really big one in there! 😀
        Those condom wrappers are a terror to get caught in the vacuum! 😀
        And no, I don’t work in a red light district….friends staying over 😀

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  2. Ah, the old ‘make a crap job of a chore, and never be asked again’ routine! Bright girl! When anything vaguely mechanical goes wrong I tend to find myself talking to it coaxingly. Seems to work!

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  3. I have heard the sickening sound of something valuable or large being sucked up into my vacuum cleaner, so I relate to this. I have used various things to unstick mine, like an unbent wire coat hanger and a kitchen snake meant to clear a clogged drain. But I never did it as hilariously as you have described. There ought to be a mesh or something on those wands so it doesn’t happen! Love the part with your daughter, A-M, the whole thing made me laugh out loud. 😀

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    1. No wonder it’s said necessity is the mother of invention, Beth. The things we do when we don’t know what to do. Mental at times but good for a laugh. 😀


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