Senior Moments

‘Is she still in this?’

‘Aye. She was away a while. She’s back now, though.’

‘What’s her name, again?

‘Cannae mind.’

‘Who’s that?’

‘That’s her daughter.’

‘Looks like her mum.’

‘They aw look like each other. Torn-faced.’

‘Who’s that she’s with?’

‘That’s her boyfriend.’

‘I thought she was going out with some other guy. A blondish guy that was the brother of the other one.’

‘Aye, she was. He’s in prison. This is an ex she’s back with. I think.’

‘So, what are they arguing about?’

‘I’m not sure. I think it’s because they killed someone and the body’s under the floorboards of his mum’s extension.’

‘Fuck sake.’

‘I know.’

‘So, what’s their problem?’


‘Bit random, isn’t it?’

‘You’re no’ kiddin’.’

‘Like Twin Peaks.’

‘I never watched Twin Peaks.’

‘None of it?’

‘Not a one.’

‘I saw bits and pieces. Think it showed on a Saturday.  I was young and gallivanting then. There was one episode, though….or a bit of one…freaky….’

‘What’s that?’

‘A room with curtains all around it. Freaky music. Then a wee midget guy appears, says nothing…just dances to this really freaky music. Creepy.’

‘Never saw it.’

‘Remember Moonlighting? We used to watch that.’

‘I never watched it. You did.’

‘You did so. It had random stuff in it too. Far-fetched bits. Whatdoyoucallhim was in it.’

‘Aye. Him.’

‘Him out of those movies.’


‘….Hard….Hard Something….Hard Core..’

‘Wisnae that.’

‘Well, something like that. Thick, maybe. Hard and Thick.’


I’m away into the kitchen when I hear him shouting.

‘Die Hard.’

‘Aye. That.’

A conversation I had, not half an hour ago, with my husband. Fitted an invite I had today for The Senior Salon. I feel like six hundred and forty now. :/