Wheeler Dealers

scrap car

(source)

found a car and fuelled it

on philosophy

ran for miles, at first, that little beaut

but something went, its big end,

so unfortunately

traded in and no one guessed or knew it

a motor vehicle furnished with a wee box

for putting pennies in

to make it go

fed it full but, bugger, don’t you know it

it guzzled

charity, the needy, had to go

got another, this one was a belter,

no one knew the places it would see

all taxed and filled and raring for the open

a limousine built especially you see

fail safe gears and brakes

all paid for by some people

serfs, they were, or some such

it’s so fine

runs like clockwork

wind them

make it happen

philanthropy abused

for them and thine

 

needing new suppliers

for their buzzfeed

charity

philanthropy

are pissed

taken to the breakers

to the cleaners

time for the knackers’ yard

where wheeler dealers

won’t be missed

You Know The Way…ll

…after you’ve

already written something

and think

that’s it

I can go to sleep now

I’m done

only you can’t

because

after you’ve navigated

your way into bed

in the darkness

and he’s already snoring

but not quite sleeping

and your warmth

suggests

you might be Michael McIntyre’s dishwasher

but all you can think about is

the next in a possible series

but shit

know

you’ll forget

if you don’t get back up

or sneak the kindle under the bedclothes

and he’s still snuggling in

not quite snoring

and going

mmmm

and I go

sorry

need to get up

I’ll forget

and he goes

you owe me

and I say

I know

big time

and I do

because

how many

don’t get it

but accept it

that you write

even

in the night

after Drambuie

and giggles

You Know The Way…

…your husband’s gone to bed before you and you’ve stayed up

for hours

writing

or whatever

and now you have the issue

of trying to figure a way into bed

without disturbing him

round the obstacles

or

like tonight

you’ve both watched Michael McIntyre together with a wee

Drambuie

or two

and pissed yourselves laughing

and ideas come for a blog post

and he’s already brushed his teeth

and you’re still writing

so you take your kindle

and your fag

to the bathroom

to have a quick wizz

a toothbrush

and maybe

jot down

that wee idea

because you’ll surely not remember it

in the morning

and do you know the way

sometimes

one of your kids comes out of their room

just as you’re

fag in mouth

kindle in hand

heading to the ladies’

and the fag drops

out of your mouth

onto the floor

and you laugh

because hubs

who’d

already put the feckin’ light out

bastard

says

by light of son’s room

you’re away to write

aren’t you

and I go

yeah

pick my fag up

laugh at my son

with a wink

who laughs back

because

youth

remember my idea

and write

this

thinking

I’m gonna do more

of humour

it’s a laugh

think I might

entitle it

you know the way

‘cos most of us do