Blue Peter Style



Ah’m gaun fur tae build up the nation

A prood wan, an empire wance mair

Some blue tac, a glue stick, a big daud ae string

Noo shift, ah need room oan that flair

Ah’ll start aff wae cairdboard an’ scizzurs

An’ pictchurs fae histury books

Ah’ll leave oot the dregs, an the scunners

An’ maist ae the failures an’ crooks

Ah’ll build a collage fu’ ae colour

Variations ae rid, white an’ blue

Ah’ll rim roon the coarners an’ skim aff

The big chunks that urnae aw true

A bunnle ae straw tae make figures

Gentrified coattails an’ hats

A few scraps ae fox fur, some sequins

Tae make it mair 3D an’ aw that

Ah’ll need scrunched up paper mashy

Tae mould oot a landscaped backgroon

Buckets an’ pots ae white washin’

Ah’ll splash it an’ throw that aroon

Rosy clickbait fur rustics an’ townies

A haystack, high hedges, mair straw

Theatres an’ restaurants, museums chock fu’

Jeez, ah’ve goat this, nae bother at aw

Better fling oan a few thistles

A shamrock or twa an’ a leek

They’ll no’ accuse me ae partisan, nope

Well, they might but ah’ll no’ let them speak

Ah ken whit ah’ll dae fur illusion

Ae reality an’ aw ae that guff

Ah’ll sign it as if ah’m an expert

A piss artist who knows aw hur stuff

Ah’m chuffed that it’s lookin’ quite lifelike

If ye squint at it when it’s hauf daurk

Bugger an’ dammit ah’ furgoat the best bit

Dabbin’ oan paint wae wine coark

Well, that’s me an’ ah think it looks smashin’

Kinda Picasso in Blue Peter style

Ah think ah’ll gie up ma day joab at this rate

Patrons ae pish wull come miles

Tae see me in artistic creation

The panache that ah bring tae ma art

Aw ah need noo is a title

They came, they saw ‘The Brain Fart’