Ah’m gaun fur tae build up the nation
A prood wan, an empire wance mair
Some blue tac, a glue stick, a big daud ae string
Noo shift, ah need room oan that flair
Ah’ll start aff wae cairdboard an’ scizzurs
An’ pictchurs fae histury books
Ah’ll leave oot the dregs, an the scunners
An’ maist ae the failures an’ crooks
Ah’ll build a collage fu’ ae colour
Variations ae rid, white an’ blue
Ah’ll rim roon the coarners an’ skim aff
The big chunks that urnae aw true
A bunnle ae straw tae make figures
Gentrified coattails an’ hats
A few scraps ae fox fur, some sequins
Tae make it mair 3D an’ aw that
Ah’ll need scrunched up paper mashy
Tae mould oot a landscaped backgroon
Buckets an’ pots ae white washin’
Ah’ll splash it an’ throw that aroon
Rosy clickbait fur rustics an’ townies
A haystack, high hedges, mair straw
Theatres an’ restaurants, museums chock fu’
Jeez, ah’ve goat this, nae bother at aw
Better fling oan a few thistles
A shamrock or twa an’ a leek
They’ll no’ accuse me ae partisan, nope
Well, they might but ah’ll no’ let them speak
Ah ken whit ah’ll dae fur illusion
Ae reality an’ aw ae that guff
Ah’ll sign it as if ah’m an expert
A piss artist who knows aw hur stuff
Ah’m chuffed that it’s lookin’ quite lifelike
If ye squint at it when it’s hauf daurk
Bugger an’ dammit ah’ furgoat the best bit
Dabbin’ oan paint wae wine coark
Well, that’s me an’ ah think it looks smashin’
Kinda Picasso in Blue Peter style
Ah think ah’ll gie up ma day joab at this rate
Patrons ae pish wull come miles
Tae see me in artistic creation
The panache that ah bring tae ma art
Aw ah need noo is a title
They came, they saw ‘The Brain Fart’
scottishmomus 