When A Coo Calves A Cuddy

Ca’ canny, mockit skies reveal intention

Shoogly coxcomb twirls an’ cross-eyes altered wyes

Bide fae the toon tho’ gallus bawface greets it’s awright

Huv gumption! Sleekit scunner’s tellin’ lies


Fair wabbit fae the info; heid’s a-burlin’!

But ah’ll dingy aw the footerers in thon hoose

Huvnae goat a scooby wit they’re daein’

It’s sidey wyes tae let us aw gang loose


Backhauners mid the roasters maks it awright

Lang spoons ur needed if ye sup wi’ thon

Mind yer feetie fae the coo pats as they’re drappin

It’s bowfin’ fae the stench o’ Eton’s sons


Ah’ll hae advice fae wans wh’urnae playin’ shove ha’peny

Wh’urnae lookin’ ower their shooders tae the croon

An’ when they cry, come oot, it’s clear, it’s awright

Will be time enough tae lay the fences doon


Fur it’s trust, ye see, ah cannae gie tae thon yins

Nae faith, ye ken, fur hist’ry’s made it so

When a coo calves a cuddy, ah’ll reconsider

Then ah’ll fire aff damp squibs tae let ye know


7 thoughts on “When A Coo Calves A Cuddy”

  1. I love farms, my uncles had them everywhere so effectively I was brought up on them. Mind you, assisting a birth has its moments 🙂
    But, the hardest part was the depth of your accent momus, it was veeerrrry slanted so if I’m wrong and your chatting about the cows (politicians) pats (debate) coming from the dairy (parliament), then please forgive me, its all smelly anyway. At least from the cows its natural 😂 🤣

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    1. I actually started writing it in English then realised that what I wanted to say needed Scots words, many of which have a meaning to them that is difficult to capture in English. But you’re on the right tracks with it being about useless politicians!

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      1. Phew, I was getting worried, I’d gone over it but spirit came to the rescue and said look deeper and ‘feel’ it. So I sort of cheated there. That is some language dear lady and I can imagine it ‘gives them a serve’ truly 😂 🤣

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  2. Blimey, Anne-Marie, I love reading you, but you don’t half set a challenge sometimes! I found myself sounding some of these words out to get your drift!
    I love the metaphor here – and I don’t think any of them has a ‘scooby’.

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  3. I was just saying to Mark that I started it in English, Chris but the level of my feeling had me reverting to words that better capture my thoughts. I opened a page a wee while ago to try to write it in English to explain but it just doesn’t work e.g. scunner means to make you feel sick or fed up but you might say, ‘He’s a right scunner’, or ‘I feel scunnered’ or ‘That’s giein’ me the scunner’. It doesn’t translate well.
    The line it’s in would end up being – Fly sick-maker’s telling lies.
    Disnae work!

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