May Music, Day 2 – Fairground Attraction

So Twindaddy wants to know which song I associate with my last ex-boyfriend.

Slight problem.

My last ex- boyfriend is my husband of nearly 27 years. How did that happen? Don’t ask me. I was enjoying the rollercoaster at the time.

Every time.

Every. Single. Time.

From that first meeting.

Every time you looked.

Came near.

Dared to speak.

Every time.

 

The possibility.

I clenched,

knuckles white,

rode the slow ride,

a semi-death,

anticipating climax

in descent.

 

Every single time.

A fairground attraction.

 

Deathly fear in

chamber of horrors

that today,

this moment,

would be

the last today.

 

Waltzers spinning…..

 

…..whirling mind…..

wondering,

Is this love?

 

Then we would ride

rollercoaster.

Up, Up, Up!

Neverending upness…..

…..till that peak.

 

A descent of

 

Was this love?

 

I wondered.

I queried.

I asked

of someone,

anyone.

Was this love?

 

I begged for answers

to an inevitable future.

No right or wrong  way

of reckoning.

 

I wondered.

I queried.

I dismissed.

We paused.

 

We dated again;

the question ever present.

Was this love?

Was this

Animal?

 

We talked.

Is this love?

 

I heard her then.

Asking my questions…..

…..in a pub…..

…..in Glasgow.

 

And I asked,

Is this love?

 

We looked.

Paused forever

over

possible ever

or never.

And married

six months later.

 

 

Inevitability

Words flow freely now

But fail to express.

I begin.

I digress.

The aim is lost.

And the purpose.

The intention ever the same.

To communicate without

Naming names.

To offer without

Being shamed.

Hands easily reach out

And arms hold.

Words struggle,

Cannot be bold.

Enough of confession.

No time to delay.

Parts taken,

Let’s play.

A game is all

It is.

Only earthly reason

To enjoy.

But this.

This loses everything,

Betrays inevitability,

Sinks beneath

Even shallow waters.

No question

Or answer

Can be understood

Or relayed.

Recorded forever

And played

Over and over

Again.