Kitchen Quarrels

Based on a recent post, Warned, and some comments, I got to thinking about tempers and this was the result. Maybe you’ll recognise what sort of temperamental cook you are! Mixed metaphors abound. They seemed apt. 🙂

Bring it quickly to the boil

Or simmer,

Let it stew,

Stir it back and forth a bit,

That’s what some dudes do.

Fling it to the flames

And watch,

Set the fire alight,

Burn it crispy, barbecued,

So it tastes like shite.

Go for broke

And have it raw,

Fleshy, crispy, hard,

Different strokes for different folks,

How do you get mad?

Catch the tiger by the tail,

Be the tiger,

Wild,

Hunter, hunted, for the pot,

Curried hot or mild.

Cauldron bubbling,

Bits thrown in,

Offal, flesh and skin,

Salad garnish on the side,

Chianti with a grin.

By the book

Or palate,

Old recipes in mind,

How you cook and anger,

Correlation find.

Salted, spicy,

Seasoned,

Bland then add your taste,

Trimmed of fat or fulsome,

Slimmed or to the waist.

Ketchup slathered,

Chips with all,

Basic, to the bone,

Stripped right down or fancied up,

Ordered in by phone.

Pantry full

Or empty,

Varied or well-versed,

Ventilated, smoky,

Are you temper cursed?

Brandy lit with flourish,

Flash in pan

Then douse,

Roasted rare or well-fired,

Lion or the mouse.

Menagerie,

This kitchen,

Or should that be a zoo,

Wild or tamed, all on the range,

Commis chefs, head cooks.

Dynamics of your cuisine,

Stop

And have a think,

Master of your menu

Or chained to hob and sink.

I’m head cook

And always taste

Viper-tongued to test,

Rare, flash in pan, though sometimes boiled,

I’ve found they eat that best. 😉

 

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Bright Pretender

Spring’s pretending thru’ my kitchen window,

Shining on my pots and all my pans,

A cunning bigger bugger’s spying on her,

Keeping winter just too close at hand.

Music’s playing on my kitchen juke-box,

I’m dancing while I cook and while I sing

‘Cause Spring’s pretending at my window

Promising the longer days it brings.

Roast is sizzling comfort in the oven,

Knowing well that any minute soon

The great dissenter shunts my little hoper,

Fills with clouds that darken brightest room.

But I’ll still dance and cook and sing on,

Believing in the tiny peep I’ve viewed,

I’ll serve up hope along with tatties

And slices of pretender I’ve imbued.

Spring is singing and she’s dancing,

We’re jiving here at light that’s on its way,

Pretence or not, I love my little glimmer,

She’s in my kitchen, brightening up my day.

 

Unexpected

Sneak away to cotton wool of quiet

Where verbiage is visual, thickened slurp

Upon a screen, (or paper’s always preferable),

It’s stealing time between each gulp and blurt,

Like weaning from the waifs that all are gathered,

No kidding, it’s like twisting with the crew that Ollie kept

(before he joined the rogues and Fagin’s chorus)

And held his plate for seconds (though unmet). 

I figure at this rate that I’ll be plastered,

(with drink or effort or the two combined),

It’s early days for falling on the flooring

(but as long as fridge is full, they’ll step over, they won’t mind).

I wonder where they put it all, these grubbers,

(like orphaned foragers who’ve starved till I stepped in)

I really should be charging for this workhouse

(or at least for all the hangers-on they bring).

But, bugger it, they’re young and I’m an old fart,

(Moaning for the fun of moaning’s sake),

We do that you know, (while pushing zimmers),

It’s called prerogative (or some such take). 

I really can’t complain, (they made the dinner,

But buggered up the menus I had planned),

See it, want it, eat it, (no questions),

It was delicious with the French bread (full of garlic, heavy hand).

It’s gone quiet now, (they’re off to their own rooms)

(At least, I think that’s where they’ve sneakily disappeared),

I’ve been excused for good behaviour (by hubby,

who’s now got his feet up in a chair)

Though very soon it’s pick-up for another,

He’s on that (cause I had Cabernet, a lovely wine)

Daughter back with cat, (no longer tiny kitten),

Poor dug will have a seizure (or maybe fine).

It’s the unexpected nature of the season

(Well, it feckin’ is, if you live here!)

Beds unrolled, (some couches unfold)

And counting heads, (maintaining all good cheer, sic).

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Did you know that some wines are labelled 14%! (I didn’t.)

Swear to god and all his wee buddhas and helpers

(no offence to all wee buddhas and helpers)

I am such a light weight at times.

Two glasses is what I call a cheap date.

I blame all the work.

And then suddenly stopping.

Confuses the body.

And the mind. (Spirit still intact).

It’s not really Christmas Eve tomorrow,

is it?

I’ll probably do my damndest to escape to wordville over the season ( I call it maintaining sanity) but if I don’t (or even if I do) I hope you all have a lovely Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasonal Fest.

Thank you all for reading over the year and all the lovely comments. It’s still such a pleasure to glimpse all your worlds. May the New Year be good to you. And all your dreams be blessed.

Anne-Marie x

Friday Music Mix… Eventually…

Friday again. It is, isn’t it? I haven’t been at work this week – Spring break – so I kinda lose the plot with which day of the week it is. But I know this is Friday. Cos I asked someone this morning, just to check.

Now Friday has become a little music mix for me courtesy of Steve..

Here are the rules.

Each week I will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle

(2) Say the question out loud

(3) Use the song title as your answers

(4) No cheating

Question 1 – If I was stranded on a desert island…..

Cajun Born, Emmylou Harris

Don’t really like this one but it’s part of an album that had one really great song on it. ‘Here, There and Everywhere.’ And that one reminds me of my teens.

In this one she sings of family, roots, soul.

That’s really pertinent for me this week because tomorrow I will have pretty much all my family – brothers, sisters, partners, weans et al – here for my daughter’s 21st birthday. Now her birthday was actually last week but she was taken to Edinburgh Zoo and on a pub crawl by her girlfriend and pals. What you gonna do, eh?  So I’m hosting the party and I’ve been at it all day. Baking. Cooking.  And I’m still not done. But it’s been fun. In a kind of hot, bothersome, impatient, let’s-make-a-massive-birthday-cake-and-home-made-lasagne kinda way. Three of my crew have birthdays within three weeks of each other. And it’s also one of my niece’s 16th tomorrow so it’s a four for one sort of do. If I’m fit for it by the end of the cook-in. So, yeah, if I was on a desert island I’d miss my family. Eventually. 😉

But, check this out. If I’d gotten the actual song I love from this album, how apt would the image and words have been?

Question 2 If I was the last person on earth…..

Mean Woman Blues, Roy Orbison

Well, anyone would be if they were left on their tod. Eventually.

Question 3. When no one is looking…..

Mister Mistoffelees, Cats

I’m a secret musical fan. I love them. I could go to every show but don’t always get the opportunity. Apparently, Glasgow doesn’t merit constant show stoppers. One of my ambitions is to go to London on my tod and do the rounds of a few of the classic shows. Happiness is grinning inanely and singing along to favourite musicals. Till I get fed up with them. Eventually.

So, Friday, eh? Just swings around without notice.

Now, with massive birthday cake made, house cleaned and scrubbed. Well, ok, not scrubbed. Sheesh, it’s family. It’s time to chill for me. First time I’ve sat on my bahookie all day.

Have a great weekend! 🙂 x

Brussel Sprouts

Why does everyone hate Brussel sprouts?

I was a good little girl. When I was told to eat up my vegetables, I ate up my vegetables. And I don’t think there is one that I don’t like. I acquired a taste for them all, you might say.

Unfortunately, no one in this house, apart from me, likes Brussel sprouts so it’s almost pointless having them at meal times.

But I am bloody well having them on Christmas Day no matter what the rest of them want.

Just thinking out menus.

And beginning my online shopping. Whee! Christmas is coming. Now I’m in the mood! 🙂

Bliss

I’ve kindled and googled.

I’ve blogged till I’m oodled.

My brain is a sea of sun.

I’ve washed and I’ve hung.

My day’s work all done,

So now the real fun has begun.

I’m paddling without wellies.

Making ice-cream and jellies.

And tickling my kids so they laugh.

With all this here sunshine

And paddling pool

There’s really no need for their bath.

When play is exhausted

And children all posted

And tucked up in bed for the night.

Dear hubby and I will

Savour the calm

And enjoy such blissful delight.