Heck the Dalls with Houghs of Bolly…la, fa, la, ta, thingy, ta, tum, de dum

Boots ‘n’ gloves and hats ‘n’ woolly jumpers,

Sleet then hail then rain and driving wind,

Jingle Bells and glitter in ev’ry orifice,

Ho, ho, ho, it’s festive time again.

Party hats and dancing with the youngsters,

Staff night out and red-neck yet to come,

No presents wrapped, (well, frankly, not one bought yet!)

Christmas spirit’s waning but not quite done.

It’s school, you see, with weeks of building up to,

Practices for choir, dance rehearsals, shepherds, angels, cute Nativity,

Really messes with anticipation,

No twelve days here, more like plus one, plus one, plus one, infinity.

I’ve decorated while still teaching reading, maths and phonics

And flagging’s how I feel at yearly end,

One more Slade or Roy Wood with his Wizards

Will have me cursing, going round the bend.

The 19th’s circled in my brain, my calendar, (it’s mental),

The advent of the holidays and then,

Forget you’ve frolicked, partied with the school kids

And start the round of jovial again…..

…..A deep breath in and join the lately chorus,

We stragglers who are never organised,

Can’t function till the bells are truly jingling

Then watch us go, you won’t believe your eyes.

Frantic is my choice of festive funtime

Once school is closed and gates are fastened tight,

I’ll dash around like Dancer led by Rudolph

And cook and clean and prep with all my might.

Well, no I won’t, I lied there just to rhyme it,

I’m far too chilled to let the Christmas baggage get too much,

I’m dancing with my glitter on my eyebrows

And twirling kids like elves on speed and such.

It’s funny how relaxed frenetic makes me,

I’m shattered in a special sort of non-specific, soporific style,

Ready for the ending and the starting

And grinning like a loon at all their smiles.

Kids and Christmas, that’s where all the fun’s at,

Except for pantomimes which, this year, thanks to fuck

I’ve ‘missed’ by virtue of being in a different school house

Or maybe just by wishing and good luck. 

So fa, la, la, la, thingy and the chorus

Yuletide songs and laughter and the like.

Did I mention staff night out is pending for the 19th?

(Might get plastered), lots of dancing and no kids for just one night.






Sane With A Touch Of Mad

So here was I earlier congratulating myself on having two ‘sensible’ daughters now in flats. Knowing how to take care of themselves. And budget. Grown up stuff.

The phone call I received last night just after midnight from the sexual health clinic did make me laugh. I thought it must be one of my sixteen year old daughter’s friends who’d been here last night. I must admit, in the earliest seconds of the phone call, I was going, ‘Who? What! When?’ Doubting my own sanity, you know? But I did chuckle. They said they were sorry for phoning me so late at night and would call back the next day!

Turns out several other people were laughing for different reasons.

Someone thought they had won a holiday.

One was obviously slightly concerned that Yahoo had contacted them to report suspicious activity on their account with the threat of a jail term where ‘you know what’ might happen.

Apparently, the one referring to, how shall I say this, love of animals, particularly on a Saturday night, caused some hilarity to the young man in question.

Her future mother-in-law was questioned about being an illegal immigrant with threats that if she didn’t do the conga and post it on Facebook she’d be spending some time in Barlinnie at her majesty’s pleasure.

Now I know that my daughter has a rather weird sense of humour at times but she’s 24 for crying out loud.

I blame it on the stress of being a nurse. They like to let their hair down now and again. Oh, and alcohol too, obviously. 😉

But at least she did apologise.

“ I would like to apologise to anyone who may have been affected by my antics last night. Some individuals may require a more formal apology but due to the nature of the behaviours I’m unsure who these people are.. If you feel you fall into this category please do not hesitate in contacting me directly. Thank you.

Ps dear vodka we are overrrr!”

Her equally ‘aged’ friend has just facebooked me an apology

“Eh yeh I think I did do a shift at the sexual health clinic last night, sorry!”

Young ones, eh?

It’s been ages since I’ve done that. What an old fart I now am. 😦