When A Coo Calves A Cuddy

Ca’ canny, mockit skies reveal intention

Shoogly coxcomb twirls an’ cross-eyes altered wyes

Bide fae the toon tho’ gallus bawface greets it’s awright

Huv gumption! Sleekit scunner’s tellin’ lies

 

Fair wabbit fae the info; heid’s a-burlin’!

But ah’ll dingy aw the footerers in thon hoose

Huvnae goat a scooby wit they’re daein’

It’s sidey wyes tae let us aw gang loose

 

Backhauners mid the roasters maks it awright

Lang spoons ur needed if ye sup wi’ thon

Mind yer feetie fae the coo pats as they’re drappin

It’s bowfin’ fae the stench o’ Eton’s sons

 

Ah’ll hae advice fae wans wh’urnae playin’ shove ha’peny

Wh’urnae lookin’ ower their shooders tae the croon

An’ when they cry, come oot, it’s clear, it’s awright

Will be time enough tae lay the fences doon

 

Fur it’s trust, ye see, ah cannae gie tae thon yins

Nae faith, ye ken, fur hist’ry’s made it so

When a coo calves a cuddy, ah’ll reconsider

Then ah’ll fire aff damp squibs tae let ye know