Dawn

Restful calm,

Sunstreaked balm,

Flimsy curtained bright,

Promises of hours ahead, being blessed and filled with light.

Silent occupation, intruding far-off sounds,

Words that flow on paper, as heart so faintly pounds.

Dedicated time, invocation to the host,

Prayerful meditation, no pride or senseless boast.

Solace in the silence; to God, a joyous toast,

Blessed be light, encroaching – filling heart, the most.

Minutes tick so slowly, while dawn ensures no harm.

Bargaining with Myself

Do you ever make bargains with yourself?

I do it with the children.

‘Tidy your room and then you can go out to play.’

‘Eat your dinner and then you can choose a sweet.’

‘Finish your homework and then you can watch some TV.’

But I do it with myself too.

I’m sitting at my laptop just now, saying to myself,

‘Go and put a washing on and tidy up and then you can come back to the blog.’

I’ve already spent more time than I probably should have on this site over the course of the weekend. And I’ve enjoyed it. But I do feel a bit guilty.

I find I feel guilty about stealing time for myself when I know there are so many other things needing done. Sometimes I don’t care and think, ‘I’m entitled. I work hard. This is ‘me’ time.’

But there are other times, like now, when I think. ‘You’ve had plenty ‘me’ time this weekend. Now go and do what you should be doing. And then you can come back to it.’

I’ve guilted myself into it. I’m going to be a responsible grown-up and do my chores.

What about you?

Do you make bargains with yourself?

How Can I Love Them More?

How can I love them more than I do?

How can I show them they are the world to me?

What more can I do than I already do

To allow my love to grow in them?

I could spend more time in pleasures with them

Instead of always bemoaning the housewife realities.

The chores I take upon as mother

Drown the time I could have as mum.

To share with them time spent in books and games and pleasures

To picnic on the floor and not to mind the mess

To laugh when they laugh and not to heed the rest.

To expect and to receive some time alone for me

And for them when they have need of it.

How can I love him more?

How can I show him that he means so much to me?

To be there with my arms open and not on my hips.

To speak softly more often than shrill.

To welcome his loving advances and to make some.

Not to count the cost as time lost,

In terms of work still needing done.

These are just some.

(6-1-02)