Kitchen Quarrels

Based on a recent post, Warned, and some comments, I got to thinking about tempers and this was the result. Maybe you’ll recognise what sort of temperamental cook you are! Mixed metaphors abound. They seemed apt. 🙂

Bring it quickly to the boil

Or simmer,

Let it stew,

Stir it back and forth a bit,

That’s what some dudes do.

Fling it to the flames

And watch,

Set the fire alight,

Burn it crispy, barbecued,

So it tastes like shite.

Go for broke

And have it raw,

Fleshy, crispy, hard,

Different strokes for different folks,

How do you get mad?

Catch the tiger by the tail,

Be the tiger,


Hunter, hunted, for the pot,

Curried hot or mild.

Cauldron bubbling,

Bits thrown in,

Offal, flesh and skin,

Salad garnish on the side,

Chianti with a grin.

By the book

Or palate,

Old recipes in mind,

How you cook and anger,

Correlation find.

Salted, spicy,


Bland then add your taste,

Trimmed of fat or fulsome,

Slimmed or to the waist.

Ketchup slathered,

Chips with all,

Basic, to the bone,

Stripped right down or fancied up,

Ordered in by phone.

Pantry full

Or empty,

Varied or well-versed,

Ventilated, smoky,

Are you temper cursed?

Brandy lit with flourish,

Flash in pan

Then douse,

Roasted rare or well-fired,

Lion or the mouse.


This kitchen,

Or should that be a zoo,

Wild or tamed, all on the range,

Commis chefs, head cooks.

Dynamics of your cuisine,


And have a think,

Master of your menu

Or chained to hob and sink.

I’m head cook

And always taste

Viper-tongued to test,

Rare, flash in pan, though sometimes boiled,

I’ve found they eat that best. 😉