Wheeler Dealers

scrap car

(source)

found a car and fuelled it

on philosophy

ran for miles, at first, that little beaut

but something went, its big end,

so unfortunately

traded in and no one guessed or knew it

a motor vehicle furnished with a wee box

for putting pennies in

to make it go

fed it full but, bugger, don’t you know it

it guzzled

charity, the needy, had to go

got another, this one was a belter,

no one knew the places it would see

all taxed and filled and raring for the open

a limousine built especially you see

fail safe gears and brakes

all paid for by some people

serfs, they were, or some such

it’s so fine

runs like clockwork

wind them

make it happen

philanthropy abused

for them and thine

 

needing new suppliers

for their buzzfeed

charity

philanthropy

are pissed

taken to the breakers

to the cleaners

time for the knackers’ yard

where wheeler dealers

won’t be missed

You Know The Way…ll

…after you’ve

already written something

and think

that’s it

I can go to sleep now

I’m done

only you can’t

because

after you’ve navigated

your way into bed

in the darkness

and he’s already snoring

but not quite sleeping

and your warmth

suggests

you might be Michael McIntyre’s dishwasher

but all you can think about is

the next in a possible series

but shit

know

you’ll forget

if you don’t get back up

or sneak the kindle under the bedclothes

and he’s still snuggling in

not quite snoring

and going

mmmm

and I go

sorry

need to get up

I’ll forget

and he goes

you owe me

and I say

I know

big time

and I do

because

how many

don’t get it

but accept it

that you write

even

in the night

after Drambuie

and giggles

You Know The Way…

…your husband’s gone to bed before you and you’ve stayed up

for hours

writing

or whatever

and now you have the issue

of trying to figure a way into bed

without disturbing him

round the obstacles

or

like tonight

you’ve both watched Michael McIntyre together with a wee

Drambuie

or two

and pissed yourselves laughing

and ideas come for a blog post

and he’s already brushed his teeth

and you’re still writing

so you take your kindle

and your fag

to the bathroom

to have a quick wizz

a toothbrush

and maybe

jot down

that wee idea

because you’ll surely not remember it

in the morning

and do you know the way

sometimes

one of your kids comes out of their room

just as you’re

fag in mouth

kindle in hand

heading to the ladies’

and the fag drops

out of your mouth

onto the floor

and you laugh

because hubs

who’d

already put the feckin’ light out

bastard

says

by light of son’s room

you’re away to write

aren’t you

and I go

yeah

pick my fag up

laugh at my son

with a wink

who laughs back

because

youth

remember my idea

and write

this

thinking

I’m gonna do more

of humour

it’s a laugh

think I might

entitle it

you know the way

‘cos most of us do

The Official Blog of The Super Bowl!

Happy #superbowl American peeps. I dare you to check out Phil’s post and reclaim words.

The Phil Factor

Because the National Football League has yet to issue a cease and desist order to me and because it’s funny I’m re-posting this classic that I wrote last year. Enjoy and Happy Friday!

(01/31/15) I’m not saying that The Phil Factor is The Official Blog of The#SuperBowl, and I’m not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that I want to get a cease and desist letter from the National Football League’s lawyers.

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For those of you not from the States, or from the U.S. but you just don’t care, this weekend is the championship game of the National Football League, otherwise known as the #SuperBowl. I’m hashtagging those words, linking to their site, and making a point of using the phrase ‘Super Bowl’ because the NFL (No Phil League) literally tries to sue anyone who uses the phrase “Super Bowl” without paying…

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Formaldehyde

fixed me with formaldehyde

embalmed me

incremental death by poison

slow

skewered brain, removed my heart

entrapped me

in jars and boxes, buried me

down low

fixed me with formaldehyde

till sterile

an empty vessel dressed

in finest wood

placed canopics

where I couldn’t find them

and bled me dry to live

in zombiehood

unearthed

void of form and feeling

peeling

losing bits along the way

morselled as a minion to the mighty

undertakers raped my soul each day

dismembered me and muted

with their needles

threaded lips till tongue-tied

did their best

weighed me

watched me

found me

waxen, wanting

dismissed me then

and put my corpse to rest

but

I rose again

and gathered all the boxes

found the jars

replaced my bits inside

unstitched my lips

and shouted

from the heavens

not fucking dead yet

mouth is open wide

formaldehyde yourself

embalm your essence

fix your flag to fortune if you must

I’ll tear your towers down

like lego pieces

rebuild it with a world

that’s fixed by just

fragments of the pieces of the portions

of the bits you tore away

and tried to hide

I’m watching you, you foxes

while you scavenge

my corpse is here to be

your nightmare bride

The Incense of Many (A Rewritten Conversation with Dante the Muse)

I speak with Dante too, though she doesn’t have a name

And know, from conversations, we set fire to the pain

So ‘the incense of many’, told in Dante/Daniel dreams,

Incensed, with a purpose, shall hold high in all extremes.

Daniel Swearingen

“And let that aroma please the cold, that angel of darkness, with wings unfold”.

We sit in the dim, near a mountain bay, I think it’s near Grand Lake, and just to say something, to start a spark, I look at my muse Dante and say,

“The incense of many will carry this day”!

“What”, Dante says in the twilight grim, his teeth set like a wicked sin, “I remember Shakespeare, when that was not really his name, you know even that poor fraud was known to say”! “It’s just as Jaques said to Duke Senior, all the men and women are merely players, all the world is a stage, yes all the world is a stage”.

It’s as if Dante is playing a game, a devil’s advocate, a prince of the shame, and so he continues and goes on some more, his lips glistening with cold and lore…

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How We’ve Danced

These are lyrics to a tune that popped into my head on the way to work this morning. Can’t get it out of my brain now. And I’m wondering if it’s even my own tune. Ever do that? I have another one that my kids think belongs to some Disney movie but have no idea which. I think they’re havering but I can’t be sure because it feels familiar to me after singing it so many times. If I wake up humming it again, it’s mine.

What happened to the music while we danced

While we danced

What happened to the music while we danced

What happened to the graceful glide

The simple moves we didn’t hide

What happened to the music while we danced

What became of breathing while we danced

While we danced

What became of breathing while we danced

Where the fields of open doors

The honesty of earthen floors

What became of breathing while we danced 

Wherever did we go while we danced

While we danced

Wherever did we go while we danced

Disappeared like so much rain

Forgotten drops, fragmented pain

Wherever did we go while we danced

Shall we dance again in that old style, in a while

Shall we dance again in that old style

Elegant and erudite, embrace once more by kinder light

Shall we dance again in a while

What happened to that world where we danced

While we danced

What happened to that world where we danced

A simpler ball inside no walls

 One sky protecting one and all

What happened to that world after we danced

Oh, what happened to our world, how we’ve danced

Blogs Reunited

To make up for the fact that I might be a bit of a plank, I’m issuing an invitation.

You see, I quite frequently do my blog reading in bed with my Kindle. It’s less cumbersome than my laptop and I can pretend that I’m going to sleep when really I’m catching up and promising myself five more minutes. And, if it falls on the floor when I drift over, I haven’t ruined a laptop – done that one before. Drambuie. Hell of a mess.

Now, if any of you use a Kindle Fire for bloggy business you may be aware that the buttons for follow and pressing send on a comment are gie close together. This may have resulted in me unfollowing some people almost immediately after making a comment. Yeah, I always make a habit of commenting then unfollowing. Good practice. Not.

It may, however, be down to the WP gods, as some people I refollowed commented that the same thing had happened to them. And, right enough, I’ve been surprised, a few times lately when folk followed me – what, again? I thought. I don’t want to make false accusations and my Kindle is a bugger, at times, what with predicting my text wrongly and making me look like a moron. Of course, I know how to spell luvverly poest. I just don’t know how to turn off the suggestions that keep coming up. Also, it has this nasty habit of making whole other words up which would be fine if I lived in Gobbledygook but I don’t. Just talk it sometimes.

Anyway, I was on Donna’s Always On My Mind Blog Party. Don’t you just love a good party? And I kept seeing people’s names and going, I haven’t seen you around in ages in my reader or emails. Then I clicked on their blog and the little follow button, down there at the right hand side – why did they move it, I liked it where it was, up there, ^^^ – showed up and I had the red neck of refollowing people I didn’t know I’d unfollowed.

I could go into that dohickey page where all the blogs you follow are listed and check each one but that doesn’t help me know who’s not there. Only who is. And those ones show up in my reader and emails.

Do you see what I mean?

Well, the long and the short of it is that I thought I’d open this here page up to all who read my scribblings and any who do not, (if you happen upon here, welcome!)

Please feel free to link a post below and take the opportunity to make new bloggy friends. I will also do my utmost to read each and every one. And, if I come across another blog that I have inadvertently unfollowed, I’ll just quietly click follow without any further explanation. Deal?

Now, I was going to turn off comments on this so’s people would go to comment on other people’s sites and not here (watch out for that follow button, though, if you’re on a Kindle) but then realised that you wouldn’t be able to post a link to your blog post.

:/ Tech, eh?

I hope you meet new people through this and that I get to catch up with those I’ve lost track of.

Bring your own booze. I don’t drink on school nights – well, not often. So, I can’t call it a party. More a reunion, I guess.

Oh, apparently, you’re better to just post one at a time so, if you want to link more than one, best do each separately. I don’t know why either. Maybe a favourite of yours or your most recent? Whatever you like. I follow lots of different types of blogs because I love lots of different types of things – photography, art, poetry, politics, cooking, crafts, travel, science, you name it, – so don’t be shy. You’re more than welcome.

Happy 1st February (when it comes, 42 minutes and counting). That has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that Spring is getting closer and January is a bitch. I’ll be glad to see the back of her. But very happy to see you here.x