Buckie an’ Gawd an’ Aw That

(source)

I’ve hud a few drams an’ I’m feelin’ grand

I think that I’m gonnae write

Creation incomin’, ma big pen in hand

Thunderbolts ur in sight!

 

I’ll start wi’ a bang cause I’m a big noise

A wee joke there! Whit am I like?

I’ll make loads ae space fur aw ae my toys

Nice work there fur a first strike

 

I’ll leave it the noo while I drink a bit mair

The lubricant’s good fur my aim

A few million years tae let the brew simmer

Don’t want tae make moves aw the same

 

Thish shtuff is braw, don’t know whit it’sh cried

But it’sh shurley nectar fur me

Ma haunsh urr aw shaky an’ sho urr ma words

Better leave thingsh shum mair tae I can shee

 

God, I’m feelin’ rough, nae mair ae that stuff

At least, no’ the noo, fur a while

A few miles roon the block should clear oot my guts……

 

…….Whoosh! Back tae work wi’ a smile

 

Time tae move oan wi’ ma opus, an’ that

Nae mair magnums tae I’ve penned a bit mair

Chewin’ ma nib, brain cells feelin’ smart

Wieldin’ my bolt noo wi’ flair

 

I’ll huv a wee peek tae see the land’s lie

Well, wid ye ever? Good grief!

Look at aw that! It’s grown by an’ by

This goes beyond self-belief

 

But somethin’ is missin’. Whit could it be?

Everythin’ looks too spot oan

Worlds aw a-turnin’, withoot even me

Some folk’ll think that I’ve gaun

 

Aw, that’s right, I’ve no made them yet

Ma brain’s still too fuzzy fae booze

They’re part ae ma plan, how could I forget

Noo, let’s think a bit then I’ll choose

 

I’ll start wi’ a man an’ we’ll huv a wee chat

Let him know how this’ll work

No’ too much, though, nae equals or that

Don’t want him goin’ berserk

 

I’m on a roll, he looks no’ too bad

Hi, there, ma lad, how ye dain’?

Panic thee not, I’ll be yer dad

Noo, listen tae whit yer dad’s sayin’

 

I’m writin’ a book, an adventure an’ such

Wi’ twists an’ turns everywhere

I keep losin’ the plot wi’ imbibin’ too much

An’ ma heid is aye feelin’ sair

 

But, bear wi’ me, son, an’ I’ll gie ye the gist

There’s a flagon callin’ ma name

You write a bit fur me while I go an’ get pissed

But try tae keep true jist the same

 

I’ll no’ leave ye yersel’, fur that widnae dae

Ye’d die here left oan yer ain

Ye’re no’ a bad model, I huv tae say

But ye’re lackin’ a bit in the brain

 

I’m soberin’ up an’ I’ve hud an idea

It’s different but might be my best

Listen tae me, ye’ll be thrilled when ye hear

I’ve got plans tae plump up yer chest

 

I’m gaun fur tae make ye a partner, I say

A helpmate fur aw ae yer life

Ye can call hur ma darlin’, ma sweetheart, ma tumshie

Ye can even call hur yer wife

 

She’ll make ye yer dinner, she’ll darn yer soacks

She might even knead yer sore necks

She’ll massage yer ego but nag, fur a joke

Fur expectin’ too much kinky sex

 

I’ll make her yer equal tae stand side by side

But remember, she’s no’ built like you

Hur muscles, internal, hur strength, ae the mind

So, be gentle, whatever ye do

 

Don’t punish hur boady because ye’ve brute strength

Use it insteid tae defend

She’ll last ye a lifetime if ye’re kind and, at length

Mair men an’ wummen I’ll send

 

So, why am I sendin’ a wummin, ye ask

Cause a wummin’s the best part ae me

I’m split doon the middle wi’ genders, my task

Tae try oot the options an’ see

 

A word tae the wise fae the heavens up here

Don’t treat hur as if she’s yer slave

She’s ma secret weapon, so listen, don’t fear

Fae yer ain worst excesses, she’ll save

 

So, here comes the wummin. A brammer! A beezer!

Staun back, man! She isnae that type

Noo woo hur and show hur ye urnae a geezer

No’ like that! Gawd, whit ur ye like?

 

Noo, move back a bit an’ gie hur some space

Ye’re crampin’ hur style wi’ that thing

Whit wis a thinkin’? Don’t shove yer dick in hur face

The trouble that thing’s gonnae bring

 

I can jist see it noo if men are in charge

Charge! The target’s in sight!

Ma dong is bigger than yours, it’s well large!

Aye, it is! Hey pal, you waant a fight?

 

Haw, wummin, c’mere, I’ve got somethin’ tae say

A bit ae advice, a wee drap

The man I huv made waants sex everyday

Fur your sake, make sure ye’re sittin’ oan tap

 

Cut him some slack tae he’s caught up wi’ you

Don’t waant tae undo whit I’ve made

A couple ae years tae he evolves, well, a few

Noo, remember, aw that I’ve said

 

Jist hing oan a while an’ he’ll figure it oot

An’, tae he dis, ye’re the wan who knows best

I’m right behind ye, I’ve got yer back

I’m callin’ it a wee IQ test

 

Put up wi him an’ ye’ll get yer reward, see

No the noo, though, so don’t make too many plans

Love him an’ guide him an’ don’t poison his tea

He’s only prototype man

 

An’ watch oot fur power, it’s a bugger fur men

Testosterone aye waants tae strut

You’ve got some tae, though it’s tempered, ma hen

That is ma deepest cut

 

Yer moods they will swing wi’ the mix I huv made

But remember, ye’re no mental, an’ that

Yer bum’s no’ too big, jist the time ae the month

An’, naw, jeez, ye don’t look too fat

 

Models at the ready, a guy an a gal

Ye’ll dae aw right if ye heed ma advice

But naeboady’s listened tae me fur a while

I huftae say everythin’ wance mair than twice

 

The time it has come and eons huv passed

Feck sake! They don’t know whit they’re dain’!

Neither ae them listened tae the advice they amassed

They’re eejits, these men an’ these wummen

 

The choices I huv, they are many an’ vast

I could jist rub them oot, start again

But I never undo whit I’ve written doon last

I leave that aw doon tae mad men

 

Extinction, it seems, is their aim, so it is

Whit can I dae aboot this?

Quicker than I’ve made it, they’re destroyin’ it aw

Noo who’s takin’ the piss?

 

Haw, wummen, c’mere, I’ve loast maist ae the men

They’re aw away the fairies

If we don’t fix it noo, afore it’s too late

There’s no gaunae be any mair ae ye’s

 

You’re no’ quite loast so listen up, see

I know ye’ve no’ hud real chances

Tae be aw the wummen that youse can aw be

Ma fault, hen, that men ur such dunces

 

Cover yer breasts, ma bow ye shall yield

Don’t be a slave tae yer tits

Gird up yer loins an’ hoist yer big shields

Bugger men! We’re gaunae fix this

 

Here come the wummen! An Amazon clan

Ready for battle to start

You men huv muffed it wi’ aw ae yer plans

An’ I’m jist no’ huvin’ aw that

 

I write the stories! Follae the script!

I’m puttin’ wummen oan tap

I shouldne huv hud aw that nectar I hud

I should’ve jist hud a wee drap

 

Never create when ye’ve hid a bit much

A good few too many drams

Keep the big pen an’ the bolt oot ae touch

Or yer characters might turn oot tae be bams

 

Bampots United versus female race

Jeez, this writin’s a laugh

I’ll put ma money oan hur, tae save face

A wee lie doon noo tae sleep this stuff aff

 

Aw, jeez Louise, look who they’ve picked!

Mad May an’ that man is still there!

I’m feelin’ scunnert enough tae be sick

I’ll be back when I’ve cleaned up the flair

 

A few years huv passed noo an’ whit can I see?

A beautiful world doon below

Nary a human, it’s jist birds an’ bees

An’ I’ve learned a lesson, I know

 

When writin’ a book, make sure tae stay sober

An’ start wi’ a wummin’ next time

Lay aff the nectar, at least tae October

Thon Buckfast is mair than cheap wine

 

Fortified noo, wi’ intent an’ a plan

An’ I’ll try oot a totie wee pen

Best tae gang slower an’ write oot long haun

An’ keep ma pen aff ae daft men

 

I’ll no’ start wi chaos, this time, naw, I’ll no’

Better tae draw oot a wee chart

Plan it oot furst, make them act it oot slower

I’ll have a wee drink. Then I’ll start.

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No Surprise To Me

I saw her late at night

her neck, a signpost

rising through the surface

to the skies

Loch’s leviathan

her charm, her presence

testament to strength

and what is wise

from hidden depths and caverns

came she upwards

as proof to disbelievers

who despise

the legacy of truth

within the legends

endurance of her spirit

against lies

emergent energy

when threatened, dismissed

force of nature

nurtured in disguise

risen to admonish

free the shackles

to clarify, reveal

to crystallise

the ever-present power

‘neath apparent

the what is possible

when spirits rise

revealing, by endurance

force of fabled

to the detriment of those

with blinded eyes

her eyes, those eyes

a steady, streaming light-force

gleaming, fixed on shores

on me

all ayes

what, said I, of myth

and disbelievers

the proof, she said

is rising when you try

I gazed a while

she froliced for my pleasure

or to prove, perhaps

that she had found the prize

across the lands

a vision from deep waters

to me, a true believer,

no surprise

Dodos – Dead Or Alive

the_bad_childs_book_of_beasts_pg_36-2

 

as bricks to skulls

if truth were known

 

so, hush, little birdies, hush

 

as bullet to brain

if plans laid bare

 

so, shush, little birdies, shush

 

as brain matter mushed

at wisdom received

 

believe, little birdies, believe

 

as guilty as charged

if questioning tales

 

tsk, tsk, little birdies, tsk, tsk

 

as dead as said birdies

if survival is moot

 

it’s the news, little birdies, our news

 

as free as clipped wings

if rattling cage

 

down, dodo birdies, stay down

 

to soar with feathers of flight

if phoenix shall rise from the dust

regenerate, restored anew

arise, brave birdies, needs must

Worship Postponed ……till further notice

330px-Ilion---metopa

(source)

naked prostration forecast

veneration imminent

for Helios’ disciples

lovers of the light revere

 

cold-blooded despair lies prone

enslaved to absent shadows

titanic teardrops drowning

charioteer’s devotees

 

Basic Burial

The stadium is full, the ball is in the air,

Players, with supporters, in their hordes, from everywhere,

Praying for a portion of the pot, the winners’ cup,

Linesmen, umpire, referee, the stewards, all lined up,

Ready for the toss up, shaking in their boots,

Could get messy, this one, it’s the final, back to roots.

Everybody gathered at the ball game, here we go,

The ref has tossed, the captains called, let’s enjoy the show.

First up Dederiyeh, arranging body parts,

Neo’s here, exposed himself, unusual but a start,

Homo’s on, with figurines, charms and artefacts,

Buried in the back wing, nearly off the charts,

Some are getting organised, let’s all give a cheer,

Salisbury’s started something but wooden seen from here,

Communal is coming, that should save some space,

Quite an international, frenetic at this pace.

Commentating’s difficult, these guys are second rate,

Time for substitutions, we’ll really feel the hate.

Nope, they’re subbing extras, Krishna’s for a kick,

Jain’s appeared, he’s harmless, though, ascetic and cosmic.

There’s struggle now, Kaliyuga’s on, might have sealed his fate,

The ref is writing cuneiform, he needs some record. Wait!

Djoser’s here! He has a plan, a pyramid’s appeared,

It’s quite the play he’s making, but it could end in tears.

There’s texting now, here comes Crete, this is epic, this is deep,

Watch that ball, it’s changing hands, stakes are growing steep.

Abe is on! Now Veda! Wood has turned to stone,

The crowd is growing restless, exodus, some going home,

The whistle’s blown, half-time called, team talk come at last,

They’ll be back, all fired up, coming thick and fast.

Let’s cut to the highlights, this game goes on for years,

Developing complexities, new characters, old fears.

Can’t keep commentating when the kick-off starts once more

Frantic on the football pitch, all wanting bad to score.

Lowlights looming later with the stars now on the ball,

Triumvirate, none triumphant, nil-nil, a no-score draw.

They struggled down the centre, on the sidelines, in the wings,

‘Over here!’ they shouted but the crowd did other things,

Went out for a burger, for a pie, some chicken soup,

Left maniacal to their game, hoping they’d regroup.

Back to basic burials, no winners and no cup,

Just a henge where humans fought. They died. The crowd gave up.

The stadium is empty. The ball has fallen flat.

No one here to commentate. Fanatics saw to that.

The Dragon-Keeper

Dragon_Knight

(source)

Protect him, please, he keeps a dragon,

A fire-breathing beast that sears his soul,

A scaly scavenger that wears his flesh down,

Haunts and follows everywhere he goes,


Ruptures like a lava-filled volcano,

Scorching every inch of him exposed,

Erupts whenever he is least expecting,

He hides it well, but everybody knows.


They fear him like they fear the freak inside him,

Misunderstand the monster, miscreant,

Flee whenever breath is scented sulphur,

Offer tokens, castigate, repent.


They run away and seek a place of shelter,

Peeping from their hideouts till he’s passed,

No one questions, no one knows his ego, altered,

The depths of his deluded torment, no one asks.


Protect him, please, he needs a mission,

Something to slay the dragon that he keeps,

A maiden, manifest as self-perception,

Upon a white horse, so the dragon sleeps.

Workers For The Kingdom

a-spider-web

(source)

How she danced upon resistance across the silken threads,
Lighter than a touch of air on downy feathered heads,
Gliding as a skater while ravelling her tales,
Doomed by pride, but reconciled, to weaving as she sails.

Circumnavigation from the centre to a ledge,
Round again, rotating, with a pivot, to the edge,
Godliness decreed it so, to scuttle, words her theft,
Alas, Arachne’s fall from grace continues until death.

Delicately balanced as she looms and pirouettes,
Vestigial veracity in the web she weaves, and yet,
Fine interlace, in gaps of truth, reveals her potency,
In need, she purloins captives, with her poison sets them free.

Spinneret fandangoes, unknotted in prowess,
Gossamer to gild the lines, the fabric of her dress,
Fascination’s failte, with her welcome, bids you come,
Fealty to the widow, to her mourning, now succumb.

Denigrated damsel by belittled deity,
Resuscitated for her skill, the likes of you and me,
Workers for the kingdom, in the balance as we step,
Tailors to the weavers to repay a single debt.

 

Trogs and Love and Sainted Graves, Man

Fingal, Fillan, Ninian

Bless the caves but query spin

Mull and May and Isle of Man

From peaks, the sev’n kingdoms spanned

Staffa, Whithorn, Pittenweem

Rustic temples, Atlantis seen

Continents and cradles rocked

Uncivilised, the Troggs in shock

Athens, Georgia, REM

Please release the song again

Marti Pellow, rock and roll

Jefferson, Gracie, save our souls

Intolerable acts, from gauntlet, glove

Candida Casa, church of love

Ass’s jawbone, guns and hype

Media and talking tripe

Echoes from the caverns, keeps

Hand that rocks must never sleep

Ancient empires, Greece and Rome

Egypt, Britain, game of thrones

Democratia, languished, cursed

Hidden idol needing nursed

Legends, myths and music scene

Spin and discs, the science between

Troglodytes’ and sainted graves

Evolve, revolve, arise from caves

Music nurture, love and peace

Inter the caveman, war surcease

Flower power, children of light

Ffs, man! You know it’s right

Dredging In The Zone

lost leviathan

dredging 

amid clouds

seeking home

puffs dispersed

she looked upon me

blinked the briefest wink

and she was gone

left behind the promise

ovoid birthrights

devoid dragon

glimpsed alone

humoured by the sky

and deepest waters

untethered for a spell

met in the zone