Resolutions, My Arse   New Year’s Resolutions with humour

I’m packing in the fags.

No, I’m not.

Well, maybe the drink if I’m wise.

But I don’t take that much

So there’s not really much point,

Oh, I know, I could stop telling lies…..


But I never do that…..

Resolutions just suck.

I can’t see the point of the plan

When everything I like

Is there all year round

To be stopped or started. Oh man!


Who started this stuff?

Whose bright idea?

To make us all feel like a failure

If plans that are made

Are quickly dismayed

Don’t bother. I’ll be your saviour.


Forget what you planned,

Don’t write it down,

Disclose them to no one around.

Make deals with nobody,

Not even yourself.

They’ll never get off the ground.


I laugh when someone

Tells me what they have done,

What their intentions are for New Year.

Not cruelty, you know,

But my expectations are low

When my cup is overflowing with good cheer.


There are twelve in the year,

January’s out.

I party because it’s my birthday.

If I want to make changes,

I’ll make them in Spring

When new life makes me feel that’s the way.


Does anyone know anyone

Who sticks to these things?

I don’t, not kidding, it’s true.

I’m making none. Not one

Little intention.

Then I won’t fail. What about you?


The Glesca Version


25 thoughts on “Resolutions, My Arse”

  1. I was a staunch non-resolution maker for 46 years…until I, for reasons still unknown to me, decided to resolve on Jan 1, 2013 that I would workout every single day of this calendar year. No one is more surprised than me that I have stuck to it, and am finally nearing the end of this crazy ride. 🙂 So maybe, just maybe, this super cynical now-47-year-old might just concede that New Years Resolutions aren’t necessarily such a bad thing. 😉


    1. That’s right! I’d forgotten about you. I read you recently and was inspired. Well, you’re one I can say I know now. Because I don’t know anybody else that ever sticks to them. Good for you. A whole year. Maybe I’ll be converted yet. But I doubt it’ll be this year. 🙂 x


      1. You should. I know no one. Resolutions, in the main, set yourself up for failure. You’re definitely an exception. I’d be looking for an award. Oooohhhh…..take one from my page ….I’m overdue to to do a thank you and nominate. Please take Blog of the Year 2013. you deserve it. If you don’t your resolution will collapse on the last day of the year and it will be written….somewhere…. No, seriously, take that one. It has been well earned by inspirational endeavour and success! 🙂 x


      2. Aw, and you’re too kind. Let’s live it up in the next few days. But you make sure you keep to your plans. I would not want to be responsible for telling you to jack it all in so near the finishing line. 🙂 x


      1. Nope, I don’t do that either! Guaranteed that if you eliminate something you just want it all the more. 😉 I just say, ‘Am I hungry? What do I feel like? Or am I just being greedy?’ Then, depending on what my answer is, that’s what I do. It suits me. Except when I feel like eating a whole box of chocolates! And I’ve done that. Quite recently, in fact! Lol. 🙂 x


  2. I’ve resolved to not commit to food or exercise changes but more mindset changes. And even then, there can be little control. For me resolutions are more like gentle reminders. haha 🙂


  3. Well, I am being the Devil’s Advocate here when I say that I quite like ‘resolutions’ (or as Susan at calls them, “plans”). They make me focus on trying, at least, to be a better person. (Whether I stick to them is another matter entirely! 🙂


    1. I read Susan’s piece and yup, I’m good with plans. Plans have a focus in real terms of what to aim for and how to go about them. resolutions always seem too airy fairy to be achievable…especially at this time of year. Maybe that’s just me though. But I’m definitely up there with plans. 🙂 x


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